Monday, December 31, 2007

My Resolutions

Every blog does it and who am I to buck tradition. Here are my New Year's Resolutions where TV is concerned:

  • I will try to embrace channels I don't normally watch. In 2007 I found luck with MSNBC and Oxygen. Where else would I have found my prison documentaries and excessive wedding shows?
  • I resolve to watch more news. I read the newspaper everyday but it can only go so fast. I don't want to be the last to know everything, especially with the election coming up.
  • I'm done settling for least objectionable programming. If there is nothing on the TV, then I will turn it off.
I think that's a pretty good start. Happy New Year everybody!

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Things I Forgot Existed: Divas Live

Nothing says vacation like discussing old television specials. On the docket? Divas Live.

Remember this? A bunch of aging biddies singing show tunes and their pop favorites. The first concert was pretty classy but the it only got worse from their.

People that probably shouldn't have been invited to Divas Live:

  • Cindy Lauper
  • RuPaul
  • Shania Twain
Thinking about that just made my day. What's next on the docket? Remember Say What Karaoke? We could be here all night.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

New Years Eve Specials: Yikes!

I'm headed out of town tonight and while I'm bringing along my computer, things will get hectic. And by things I mean me, and by hectic I mean drunk.

I have to finish packing but I owe you this much. Nothing to do on New Years? Here is a handy guide from USA Today on where to find your favorite C-List celebrities doing countdown specials.

If it were up to me, we'd all ring in the New Year watching U Party With Fox News. I don't know who's going to have a worse evening; the people tuning in to play interactive news games with Griff Jenkins or Griff Jenkins. Six in one hand, half-dozen in the other.

Friday, December 28, 2007

A Victory Late In The Game

He did it! I'm so happy I could play the Will It Float board game!

David Letterman's production company WorldWide Pants reached an agreement with the WGA and his show will return on January 2 with writers in tow.

This is uplifting news. WorldWide Pants may not be Viacom but any movement on this issue is positive. An agreement is proof that negotiations can work.

Someone tell that to Rupert Murdoch.

Coming Back In The Future

Just got off the phone with my friend Liz. We like to gab about TV and today we spoke about what shows we're looking forward to in 2008. Here's the short list:

  • Real World/Road Rules - The Gauntlet: I have my money on Coral. I don't even know if she's playing. She could win from afar. Just like Tanya. I bet she's phoning this one in. I tried to look up online to see what exotic locale the show is in this time but no such luck. They've been to South Africa, Australia, and all over the Caribbean but every set looks identical. They probably film all of them on a sound stage in Hollywood. If they really wanted to give these people a run for their money, they'd shoot in Dubai or Beirut.
  • Lost - I've decided to commit and watch the back half of season 3 on DVD just so I can catch up with this show. I have a feeling it's going to be really big this time.
  • The L Word: This is a short clip with the cast and producers talking about season five. To say I am geeked out about the whole thing an understatement. Apparently some changes to this season include more group interaction, Bette and Tina possibly getting back together and more sex. I don't know if I can handle pay-cable and all of this sex. Between Tell Me You Love Me, The Tudors and The L Word I am just getting worn out and they make me look pervy. I am not weird, I just like good TV.
  • Rob & Big: Say what you will about the guys but I wish I were friends with them. Their show is just as scripted as all of the MTV stuff but it's a lot funnier.
  • Prison Break: I kind of forgot what's happening but hopefully it will all come back to me. Something about Panama, guards, shanks, tunnels. Same old, same old.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Stars Behind Bars: The OC Edition

Mischa Barton spent a night in jail after getting arrested for suspicion of drunk driving. She should have been arrested for having a ton of money and awful hair. Or bad acting choices. Lock her up and throw away the key.

My guess? She made a grand escape and slipped through the bars.

When I start my website,, she's going to be on the homepage.

Vicious Cycle

When the news of former Pakistani PM Benazir Bhutto's assassination hit the US news cycle, I was in the middle of a non-stop block of 30 Rock on DVD.

In fact, I didn't learn of her tragic death for three hours. My excuse? A slow day at the house and a play all feature.

Once I heard about the news, I was dumbfounded. By the senseless act of violence and hate, and how I'd been too wrapped up in my own mess, my comedy, my DVD, my morning.

There are people across the country, too many, who have no idea what happened today. Most were probably watching TV or movies, just two clicks away from the internet, steps away from a newspaper or a friend.

What's my point? I'm getting there, I swear. We're given everything when we want it. We have so many options that we can see what we want and skip what we don't. I enjoy avoiding the commercials on my Tivo, or with DVDs and I can argue that I'm not missing much. But by ducking those chance encounters, I'm really missing...a lot.

People move faster, technology catchs up with them and the cycle continues. Violence tears families apart, the Earth melts away, people are eating too much. The cycles feed into each other and both of them are messing us up. But how do you change that? Does anyone really want it to change? Or is it just something nice to think about?

I just don't know where to start.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Like The Civil Rights Movement...But For Dudes

The struggle is over my friends. Everyone will have the opportunity to watch Tom Brady and the Patriots crush the Giants on Saturday.

Missed the whole thing? Originally, the game was only available on the NFL Network. This wouldn't have been a big deal but if the Patriots win, they will be the first team in league history to have a perfect regular season. Needless to say, the 60% of Americans with TVs who don't have the NFL network want to see it.

After weeks of insisting they wouldn't budge on their position, the NFL decided to simulcast the game on CBS and NBC.

This is a turning point for football fans, the network and the cable companies, as all three have had a tumultuous time dealing with each other this year. The feud is on hold this week and everyone can just sit back and watch the Patriots make some history. Once the warm glow wears off next week it will be interesting to see where this goes. My guess? The NFL Network won't make it more than a few years.

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

I missed you guys on Monday. Not too much happening this week or last because of the holiday. Talks are stilled virtually stalled out. It's not looking good.

  • Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart are returning to the air on January 7th, without writers.
  • The WGA granted a waiver to the Spirit Awards. Awesome. Since the Oscars and Golden Globes will suck, hopefully people will watch the show honoring indie films and some up-and-comers will get the credit and audience they deserve.
  • Tiffany Pollard (pictured), a.k.a. VH1's New York, got engaged to that dude that won I Love New York 2. Expect more ridiculous marriages based on shitty reality shows should the strike continue.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Writing Winter Break!

I won't be posting to edubTV today or tomorrow to ring in my family's annual gift giving holiday.

To tide you over, please enjoy one of my favorite holiday clips, Christmastime for the Jews. This musical SNL sketch was overshadowed on its premiere episode in 2006 by Lazy Sunday.

I'll be back Christmas night or Wednesday to discuss the best tactics for re-gifting boxed sets you don't want. (No really, I don't watch Buffy...seriously.)

Until then!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

Escape Into TV This Holiday Season

Every holiday, television networks work very hard to attract viewers and retain them when their days off are over. The best way to do this is with marathons. Nothing says, "Please watch my channel" like a non-stop block of Cops. These marathons are also awesome for testing the waters on a new show or having a ham coma on the couch.

So in case you feel like tuning in, here are the best and worst marathons on TV the next few days:

  • TNT is airing a mini-marathon of ER holiday episodes. ER recognized the importance of the fall finale long before that term existed. These episodes represent some of the best dramatic television of the mid to late nineties. The episodes start Christmas Eve Morning. If nothing else, make time for Hindsight, one of my favorite ERs ever at 1:35 pm CST.
  • A&E is airing several episodes of Cold Case Files. This show is kind of intense, but well made. If you're into crime shows, might I suggest the Christmas marathons of Cold Case, Monk or CSI:Miami. Brighter colors, cheesier dialogue and less talk about dead children, at least real ones. The latter marathons are on TNT, USA and A&E respectively. Old school CSI is also in marathon form on Spike...but you'll have to sit through their commercials which leave a lot to be desired.
  • The History Channel is running an all-day tribute to UFOs. Don't ask me how it relates to history. Last week they aired Forest Gump. I think they're running out of content. Anyway, it's a bunch of different shows which is a refreshing innovation to the marathon. You can see Deep Sea UFOS, UFO Hunters, and Beyond War of the Worlds. Just nerdy enough to be cool.
  • And if you feel like hating yourself this Christmas, you can tune in to The Hills marathon on MTV or the Countdown one (100 Greatest Reality Moments, 100 Greatest songs of the '80s) on VH1. Please don't watch this. Just don't give in to the temptation and subject yourself to irrelevant people pretending to be relevant talking about ridiculous things...and that's just on VH1.
  • The best marathon of all starts on the evening of the 24th with 24 Hours of A Christmas Story. For several years in a row, my favorite gift has been this marathon. It's hilarious, heart-felt and bundled up in tradition, just like Randy in a snowsuit. And unlike most movies, I really can watch it over and over again. It has some kind of magic power.
And now you have something to do over Christmas Eve and Christmas. Well, outside of family stuff. For some of you, instead of family stuff. And for my chosen friends out there, you just get to enjoy the spoils.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Stars Behind Bars: Topanga Edition

Danielle Fishel, (girl-geek and awkward wife), Topanga on Boy Meets World , was arrested this morning on a drunk driving warrant.

Let's think of all the reasons Topanga would have to be drinking and driving:

  • Former flame Lance Bass is no longer interested.
  • Boy Meets World re-runs are hard to find now, even on Disney.
  • She's a correspondent to the Tyra show, which is a punishment in and of itself
  • Other than BMW, the only remarkable thing on her acting resume is an episode of Yes, Dear

Friday, December 21, 2007

Things To Look Forward To

File these under things I am kind of geeked out about:

  • The Elmo Christmas Countdown. Elmo is at it again, getting the top stars in movies, TV and film to appear with him on his ABC special. Nothing pleases me more than the Soprano's goons having a sitdown with Bert and Ernie.
  • Zach Braff is the EP of Saint of Circumstance, a new show starring David Denman (Roy from The Office). The pilot for the Fox drama was written by Adam Braff, Zach's brother. It's about a work-a-day cubicle employee who quits his shitty job to become a paramedic. Awesome or lame? I guess we'll find out after the strike. I don't want to lose hope that Roy is never stepping foot into Dunder-Mifflin again.
  • USA's The 4400 and Dead Zone got canceled. Now how will my mother drive me crazy with shitty TV? Oh, I forgot. This won't help me at all.
  • Fire up your DVRs people: To Catch A Predator is coming back to NBC for one night only! Nothing says Merry Christmas like Chris Hansen reading inappropriate chat logs and showering creepy men with iced tea.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Clash of the Choirs: Almost Cool

The other half of this blog may punch me in the face for this very short post, but it must be said.

After making it through almost the entire two-hour episode of Clash of the Choirs last night, I can admit, (with sincerity) that it was not half bad. Dare I say I enjoyed it.

The vocalists blew the pants off of anyone on Idol, the music selections weren't all about JC, and t the judges weren't too hokey. My only complaints were:

  • The Host: Maria Menounos is not only obnoxious but I'm about 95% sure she's a cyborg. The only thing on her that moved was her jaw. I don't remember seeing her blink.
  • Timing: Two hours yesterday and a two hour finale tonight? That's a lot of singing and way too much Menounos.

One Moovelous Morning

I fell asleep with the TV on last night. I woke up to a puppet of a singing dairy cow flapping his gums about reading.

Maybe it was because the sun wasn't up. Perhaps it was the frightening eyes of that little calf. It could have Dasha, the bird with the afro puffs. I think she was a token duck, there to add diversity.

All I know is that I couldn't tear my eyes away. I watched the entire episode of Wilbur this morning.

What did I learn? That reading is moovelous.

Don't get it twisted.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

...In A Van Down By The River

Chris Farly died 10 years ago yesterday. Like 9/11, I can tell you exactly what I was doing when I heard the news. I was doing a mapping project on the floor and my brother threw a newspaper at the back of my head and said,

"There goes Black Sheep 2."

His callous response to the tragic death of one of the best physical comedians in the past 25 years stuck with me. My next thought went out to his family. The Farleys are long-time Madison residents and this town crumbled a little bit that week. It was hard for a lot of people to grasp the fact that the brightest light to come out of this town was extinguished a bit too soon.

But enough sad stuff. Let's remember Chris Farley the best way possible, with copious laughter.

I'm A Little Bit Excited...And Rock & Roll

Donny & Marie Osmond may be getting their own talk show again. I remember their stint in daytime a few years back. I hate to admit it, but I remember watching it everyday. I think it came on before my actual favorite, Rosie, and I just got hooked. They were witty, excitable, had a great rapport with the guests and their set looked like a sunroom in a late 1980s McMansion; kind of classy, but not over the top.

This is coming across as the second coming in the media. I don't know what everyone is so afraid of. I would much rather hear some positive news from Donny and Marie than the constant yapping from Rachel Ray or va-jay-jay talk Tyra can't stop spewing.

Their new show may be reality, or another syndicated daytime program, but either way I bet there will be singing, painful smiling and casseroles. I'm game.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Worst Week Ever

Guess who's having the worst year ever...seriously? Lynne Spears.

Yes You Lynne Spears!

Britney can't keep her hands free of iced coffees long enough to take care of her kids. Now she's about to lose them to K-Fed. When a greasy back-up dancer with minimal rap abilities looks like Bill Cosby next to Britney, you know she's really gotten "toxic." Mama Spears needed to rope that in a long time ago, and now it's probably too late.

And then. The kicker.

Younger sis Jamie Lynn is following in her older sister's cracked out, dirt cheap weave, fast food soaked footprints.

JL, star of kid's show Zoey 101, is preggers. Not only is she with child, but she's owning it...borderline proud. Yes, it's the Jamie Lynn you remember. She's 16-years-old. I don't know if Nickelodeon is going to let her back on the lot. The father? Her 19-year-old non celebrity boyfriend. 19 eh? Statutory must not be in younger Spears vocabulary yet. Maybe she never cracked open that deck of SAT analogy cards.

Poor Lynne. Rumor has it she was shopping a book on parenting to different Christian publishers. It was a bad idea six months ago and unless she's framing her younger daughter's little one as an immaculate conception, this shit isn't going to fly.

File this under ridiculous.

I don't even know what else to say.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

  • NBC late-night heavyweights Jay Leno & Conan O'Brien are headed back to work on January 2nd. The press releases from both hosts sited the non-writing staff as the primary reason for the return. While it's admirable, it's also disheartening. Re-runs of late-night shows are the only evidence of the strike for some people. If they go back on the air, some may think the writers are losing the struggle, or worse, that the fight is over. 
  • Letterman is coming back to the airwaves even sooner, but since he owns the rights to his show, he negotiated with the writers and they've come to an independent resolution. That's class.
  • If you'd like to tell the Los Angeles City Council how you feel about the strike, here are some instructions, names, e-mail addresses and even a form letter. Now you have no excuse. 
  •  Maybe an all out battle like this wouldn't be a bad idea. At least everyone would go out swinging. 
  • President of the Screen Actors Guild, Alan Rosenberg, wrote a statement of solidarity to the WGA. The two guilds are working very closely on this strike, as SAG is due for contract negotiations in the spring, on most of the same terms. The partnership is also going to make for a boring awards season. The actors aren't breaking the writers picket lines at the Golden Globes and presumably The Oscars. However, the writers have agreed to attend and write for the SAG Awards. Maybe people will actually watch them this year. 

Marathon Woman

I only have Showtime at my parents' house. It's annoying but it means I can spend more money on Sour Patch Kids and iTunes. But I'm home for the holidays and that means one thing: I'm stocking up on all of the premium channels I can. 

First off: I desperately need to watch the last four episodes of Dexter. To say I am worried about spoiler alerts is an understatement. I am freaked out. Have you seen those new Burger King commercials? It's at " I want a Whopper now!!" level.  Making it worse, Dexter is kind of hard to watch in marathon form. It's bloody, dramatic, and Michael C. Hall's voice is seductive yet approaching soporific. Furthermore, my dad bet me $5 that I can't catch up on the last three episodes tonight so we can watch the season finale together tomorrow. $5! Now there's a mediocre lunch at stake. I can't blow this. What's a girl to do?
The only thing I can do: I'm going to crack my neck, get a glass of ice water and buckle in for a long and gory night. 

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Even Viva Laughlin Is Better Than This

There's nothing on TV tonight. The entire day for that matter. My Tivo usually records 11-15 "suggested" shows per day. Suggestions are things the Tivo would think I like. I provide a thumbs up or thumbs down with the remote to give him some information about my tastes.

Today, the Tivo only recorded two things. An episode of Biography about Will Smith (thumbs down) and and episode of America's Next Top Model that I think I've seen about 11 times (double thumbs down).

Sensing my displeasure, I think the box just gave up. It hasn't recorded anything else since before 10.

With no recorded TV I went the old fashioned way. I went through the screen guide and tried to find something interesting. No luck. I am currently suffering my way through an episode of Sex and the City. Even the one where Miranda meets Steve doesn't seem interesting tonight.

My books and DVDs are packed away. No luck there.

This is my own private corner of hell. I don't think I'm addicted to the TV, but on nights like this, when I don't even care about what I'm watching and I can't turn it off I'm beginning to think I have a problem.

Maybe Intervention is on.

Friday, December 14, 2007

This Is Not An Exit

I'm moving on Monday. At the end of a delicious going away dinner my friends and I shared a joke about me possibly being on a program like The Truman Show. Maybe the new season was supposed to follow me in a new town with new people and crazy new hijinks, but the ratings plummeted and I had to go back home. Our dinner was the fall finale.

The whole thing made us chuckle, but it got me thinking about my favorite series finales. It's hard to sum up years of ups and downs, laughs, tears, horrible guest appearances and random subplots into 22 or 44 minutes. It's no wonder most of them are hideous and never true to form. Here are some that did their respective show justice:

  • The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Banks family packed up and moved to New York . Will stayed behind and promised to finish school and call every Sunday. But even better? Alfonso Ribiero gave the people what they wanted and did the Carlton dance one last time. And at the end, he ran down the stair case, hardly keeping his pants up after his family forgot him. Funny, heartwarming, perfect.
  • Dawson's Creek: Set 5 years in the future, the gang meets up for Dawson's mother's wedding. We find out Dougie's gay, Jack's a teacher, Joey lives in a really nice apartment and Pacey owns the Icehouse. Even better? Jen has a heart condition and a baby. She later collapses, goes into the hospital and dies. Unexpected but her funeral made for some interesting drama the show had been lacking for two seasons. Better still? Joey chose Pacey. No brainer there.
  • Roseanne: A lot of people didn't like this one, but I thought it was kind of creepy...and brilliant. In the episode, Darlene and David welcome home their new baby girl Harris Connor Healy, (still one of the best baby names on TV). The family laughs and hugs, it's really cute, etc. But then in the last 5 minutes you find out the entire last season of the show was a novel Roseanne was working on. They never won the lottery, and Dan died of a heart attack. You can read her entire monologue here.
  • Mad About You: Mabel, (Paul and Jamie's daughter) is all grown up and we see all of our favorite characters through the lense of her documentary examining her family history. It was an innovative approach. The final montage makes me smile every time. The ep also has one of my favorite jokes of all time. A teenage Mabel wants to change her name to Sonya. Her parents insist that her name was specially picked for her and that it's an acronym (Mothers Always Bring Extra Love) Sidenote: That episode was also wonderful by the way. I digress, Mabel responds very angrily. "Sonya is an acornym too. Some Other Name You A..." and the scene cuts off.
The worst part about series finales, and life I guess, is that when you leave, it feels like the characters you remember and loved are still having fun somewhere, you're just not around or uninvited. I think that's why my favorite ones are where you can see what happens in the future. It gives you a glimpse into what you're missing. At least with life, you can just call and ask.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

WGA Awards Nominatons

Well I can't argue with these nominations. Where the Golden Globes failed, the Writers Guild of America succeeded in recognizing some serious talent from this year.

Take a look at the nominees for best television comedy:

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Flight of the Conchords
The Office
30 Rock

Flight of the Conchords is highly underrated and I'm glad that they were recognized here. If you're not familiar with New Zealand's favorite novelty folk band, you can check them out here. The show is kind of quirky and obscure but it's hard to keep from laughing, even though you don't always understand why. HBO's best decision in a long time and a great way to forget about Lucky Louie.

All sense has not been lost. Thank you WGA. Other than this whole strike business, you are having the best year ever.

Golden Globe Nominations Day!

The Golden Globe nominations came out very early this morning and the nominees in television aren't that shocking. More surprising is who isn't nominated. If you're curious, you can find the entire list here.

Here are the nominees for musical or comedy television: 30 Rock,Californication, Entourage,Extras, and Pushing Daisies.

Some solid choices. I would like to see 30 Rock win again, and from this slate of candidates they probably will. But let's discuss who's not on here. Where's The Office? Maybe not they're best showing recently, but it's still better than Entourage this season. Or how about Weeds? Weeds had a great run, and was more compelling than ever before. But no love from the Hollywood Foreign Press Association? Douches.

Here's another category; drama series: Big Love, Damages, Grey’s Anatomy, House, Mad Men, and The Tudors. I finally watched an episode of House and while I still don't like it, I can see why other people do. Would I nominate it for a Golden Globe? Probably not, but Hugh Laurie is pretty good and he was recognized by the HFPA as well.

However, selecting Grey's Anatomy is just getting lazy. That show has been truly poor in recent months. Not only have the storylines suffered but the actors seem disenchanted with the whole process. Katherine Heigl just came out recently saying she's having a hard time with the direction her character is going.

The awards should be interesting this year. Assuming the Writers Strike is still going the celebrities may not even cross the picket line to show up. And the presenters will have to write they're own material. So if you thought the corny jokes were lame, just wait, it can get worse.

Mark your calendar, the Golden Globes are on TV January 13.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Hump Day Updates

So much to talk about. Let's get right to it.

  • Kid Nation ended tonight. It was kind of a sad episode. I am ashamed to admit it, but I shed a few tears. Not only when the kids saw their parents for the first time in 40 days, but at the end when I realized the show may not come back for a second season. So upsetting. We'll always have Jared.
  • Though I am sad to leave Bonanza City, I already have a reality show replacement: Crowned. So awesomely bad. The show is about mother/daughter pairs competing for a pageant title and $100,000. I could've written 1000 words on tonight's pilot episode alone. This episode, each pair had to make up a team name. One team called themselves the Blonde Bombshells, others the Diamond Dolls. But one team decided to go with Silent But Deadly. Supposedly they didn't know that is also a laugh-inducing euphemism. Carson Kressley of Queer Eye fame is one of the judges and he provides some comic relief. It's like watching Cirque De Soleil; I am mesmerized by how awful it is.
  • TV shows have trailers now. I don't like this trend, but that's a whole 'nother story. The trailer for season 4 of Lost made its way around the blogosphere today. Since I have until February, I might try to catch up on the second half of season 3 and give the show another chance. With the writer's strike going strong, I won't have much else to watch anyway.
  • Regis Philbin is set to host a re-make of the series Password. Because 25 versions of the show just aren't enough.
  • Chris March is back on Project Runway. All is right with the world.

Getting Terminated Is Fun Again!

My friend Mary Beth spent over an hour this morning on Elf Yourself. If you haven't been to this web site, be warned: You may spend painstaking amounts of time trying to get it just right. If you're up for it, it's worth it.

Anyway, in the same vein as EY, I heard about the new website for Terminator: The Sarah Connors Chronicles. The show premieres in January and picks up where Terminator 2 left off. (Essentially, it's the long version of Universal Studios Terminator Experience)

Anyway, they have a fun page where you can "get terminated." You upload your picture and it messes with your face to make you look like a robot. It's kind of scary and definitely not as charming as Elf Yourself, but instead of watching a little guy dance, you get to see Sarah Connor blast your head off in a battle to save the Earth.

This is a great way to spend 5 minutes...or if you're like Mary Beth, the rest of the day.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I'll Take Myocardinal Infarction for $100

Jeopardy host Alex Trebek had a heart attack. He is okay now but isn't going back to the show until January. I think the stress finally got to him.

I have one question at a time like this: Does this mean he will not be enjoying delicious cheese curds when he visits Wisconsin?

Monday, December 10, 2007

Oh No You Didn't!

Janice Dickinson is flippin' nuts.

First she calls Tyra Banks fat on the Today Show...then she tries to back-up. Then she goes Star Jones and tries to bring more shit.

I wouldn't mess with Tyra. No one should bite the sassy black hand that feeds them. She'll Tiffany your ass in heartbeat. And for any JD fans out there (heaven forbid) who say she's a celebrity in her own right. Tyra made Janice famous again. She'd been skyrocketed into irrelevancy a long time ago. Now she's trying to get sassy so people will watch her awful, awful show.

I'm not buying it. Get over yourself Janice.

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

Trouble in wonderland. The two sides are slinging mud at each other. This is not going well people. In fact, it's only getting worse. But I don't want to be a Debbie Downer. If you want to find out the bad stuff, check out unitedhollywood. Here are the two positive things that happened this week:

  • The EPs of The Riches and the United Showrunner Committee are putting together a benefit to raise money for people affected by the strike. Lewis Black, Sarah Silverman, Tenacious D and Eddie Izzard among others are scheduled to perform. The event, dubbed Write Aid (gosh they're creative) is scheduled for December 14 at UCLA.
  • The writers and fans brought their dogs to the picket line last week.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I Just Blue Myself

Rumors are swirling that the long-fabled Arrested Development movie may not be a myth after all. Jason Bateman spoke with Mitchell Hurwitz about working on the script during the Writers Strike.

I don't want to get my hopes up...but let's just say I'm pretty giddy. Tobias alone would be worth the cost of admission.

Watch Smart!

Desperate Housewives is over for now and in its place is a TV movie that looks about as cheesy as Monroe, Wis. For your well-being, I would encourage you to steer clear and instead watch something informative for a change. My Tivo has been reminding me all week about 1968 With Tom Brokaw. I finally looked into it and it is going to be an excellent news-documentary.

Brokaw examines this literally explosive time in America's history with news clips and personal reflections. He also interviews people who were knee deep in the struggle and those who can look back on it now. Brokaw even spoke with Rafer Johnson, the aide who was next to RFK the night he was assassinated.

Known as a seasoned journalist, Brokaw is also a well-respected author, scholar and historian. His previous books The Greatest Generation and Boom were critically acclaimed best sellers.

1968 is on tonight on The History Channel at 9/8 central.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

This Just In: The Real World Stinks

I am over The Real World. In my humble opinion the show started sucking after New Orleans. Call me old school.

My suspicions were only confirmed when I saw this video via Reality Blurred. The next season of RW takes place in Hollywood (Hills cameos anyone?) and the cast is employed by an improv company. The video is some of their performance. You can even see the MTV cameras capturing it.

From what I can make out:

  • These people are not funny
  • They should not be doing improv
  • Let alone in public
And supposedly someone else gets kicked off of this season too. RW alternates have been having a pretty good year.

Friday, December 7, 2007

Run For Money is Going To Run My Life

Necessity begets innovation and this new reality show is no exception.

Sci-Fi's Run For Money is going to be my new favorite program as it combines 24 and Legends of the Hidden Temple.

50 people are unleashed in fancy locations and compete against each other in challenges for cash and prizes. However, they are being relentlessly pursued by "hunters" who are trying to take them out of the game. The contestants get money every second they stay alive and can walk-away at any point. If they don't and they're attacked by a hunter then they lose everything.

The challenges are an hour long and the show is in real-time, adding to the intensity. As the hour ticks by the playing field gets smaller and more hunters come out. The last person standing gets the grand prize.

This show is going to be like crack for me. Challenges, hunters, frayed nerves, glamorous locations, fierce temple guards...err hunters, and people who don't know when to quit.

Let's just hope there's no shrine of the silver monkey. Otherwise these people are dead in the water.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Almost Better Than Shoes: Sex and the City Trailer

Proof that I am easily swayed by vibrant colors, glitter and city skylines:

The Sex and the City movie trailer.

AHHH! I have never been this excited for a movie based on a TV show ever. That's right, not even you Ninja Turtles. I wasn't even that big of a fan when the show was on. Re-runs on TBS can make anyone a believer.

Mostly, I'm just hoping Brady Hobbes got cuter. He was looking pretty raggedy...even for a baby.

Not As Bloody As The Movie

ER is celebrating their 300th episode tonight. Say what you will about the show, especially it's current declining years, but that's quite an accomplishment.

My favorite moments:

  • George Clooney saving those boys from the drain pipe. That day, a star was born.
  • The episode, My Bloody Valentine. Dramatic, scary, sad. Why did Lucy have to die?
  • ER teamed up with Third Watch after Susan's niece went missing. There aren't enough great crossover episodes anymore.
  • Any episode with Red Buttons. Nuff said.
  • When the Greene/Corday baby, Ella, accidentally eats ecstasy. Who knew baby overdoses could be so funny? Extreme melodrama.
  • Carter, Kovac and Pratt venture to Africa. Finallly, the travesties are brought to the surface. The episodes were beautiful and incredibly poignant. Some of ER at its best.

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

24 Things Kiefer Sutherland Can Do In Jail

Kiefer Sutherland was sentenced to 48 days in jail today and he started serving his time immediately.

In case Kief gets some online time in the clink, I've come up with 24 things he (or Jack Bauer) can occupy his time with.

  1. Make friends with cell mate. Watch him get killed like everyone else close to Jack Bauer.
  2. Make prank phone calls to Chuck Norris in a desperate attempt to neutralize number one threat.
  3. Re-think Phone Booth. Why Kiefer why?
  4. Hang up picture of Jennifer Aniston in solidarity.
  5. Take time to read...better scripts.
  6. Finally get a meal and some sleep.
  7. Yell for schematics of the jail. Escape in an amazing Prison Break/24 cross-promotion.
  8. Find Jesus. Interrogate him for information.
  9. Refer to everyone as Chloe.
  10. Avenge the death of David Palmer.
  11. Found Canadian gang, the Canuckle Sandwiches.
  12. Write letters to Charlie Sheen. Ask him to send Young Guns on VHS for street cred.
  13. Get memorial tattoo of Curtis, Terri and Tony Almeda.
  14. Book that band you manage for a show at the dining hall.
  15. Mediate the Writers Strike by any means necessary. Pain serum may be necessary.
  16. Carve shank out of Golden Globe.
  17. Trade Emmy for cigarettes and toilet wine
  18. Pitch pilot to Fox: Dancing Behind Bars.
  19. Fashion well fitting jeans and long-sleeve thermal tee out of prison jumper
  20. Prepare motivational cliches and anecdotes for late night talk shows upon release
  21. Hope that they let you go after 84 minutes too.
  22. Start writing memoir. Stop halfway when you realize you are in fact not Jack Bauer.
  23. Fix the flawed BCS system by challenging the top 10 teams to an arm wrestling match
  24. Get sober.

Hump Day Updates

  • There is just no excuse not to be watching Kid Nation. If these out of context quotations don't do anything for you then I'm out of ideas. Read some other blog.
    • " Pelvis has left the building."
    • " Those aren't igloos dude those are teepees."
  • TLC is taking Pageant Place to the next level. On Miss America: Reality Check, all 52 Ms. America contestants are going to live in one house to see if their " smarts, attitudes and looks hold up in contemporary society." The ladies will participate in challenges and events leading up to the finale event. Even with Michael Urie (Ugly Betty) hosting, I think it's for the best this show is only four weeks long.
  • Over the past two nights I've discovered I want to eventually find a guy whose personality is the combination of Yukon Cornelius and Dell from Private Practice. Yukon is obvious. Who else will slay abominable snowmen who get in my way? Dell is a recent discovery though. Tonight, he finally confessed his love for Naomi and it was so adorable. Too bad he confessed it to her ex-husband.
    • " You know how many women think like that, and look like that, and laugh like that and care? One. So far I've met one. And yeah, she's out of my league in every possible way. But I don't care. She dazzles me. And I'm not stupid enough to hope that one day I'll meet someone like her when the time is right because I won't. I love her. Okay? And I guarantee you-I wouldn't make her cry."
Cue the swooning.
  • An anti-whaling group named their boat Steve Irwin. Bindi Irwin had this to say before she was dragged to her next appearance.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Dexter Vacations on CBS

I'm a little peeved about this.

Thanks to the strike, CBS is plucking content from their sister network Showtime, re-purposing it and airing it on the broadcast network. Dexter is the first to make the jump, which is no surprise considering the popularity of CBS' other crime dramas. The Tudors and Weeds are also being considered for primetime spots.

This is actually kind of genius on Showtime's part. These shows are brand new to most of the country. CBS will be the premier destination for "new" drama, when everyone else will be airing re-runs, game shows, or worse. Plus, when people watch Dexter and get hooked (because it's impossible not to) and the writers strike comes to an end, they'll be more likely to order Showtime. Their subscriptions are going to skyrocket.

So why am I peeved? I finally understand what people who bought the iPhone early felt like. No fair! I paid extra for those premium channels and now they're just giving it all away. It just seems a little wrong.

I guess you can't stop progress. It will be interesting to see how they edit Dexter for time and content. They'll have to cut 10 minutes out of every episode. That might even be enough to get me to watch them again.

Damn. I've been swayed already.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

  • The late night talk show host are ponying up and paying their staff. Some are more modest about it than others.
  • This baby was born during the strike. Her mom is a writer and her dad is a gaffer. She's adorable. Too bad her parents are temporarily out of work. (Womp, womp)
  • Viacom is putting every single episode of South Park online for free. While you're laughing at a talking piece of shit, remember that the writers aren't getting paid for any online content.
  • The writers on strike clinched the coveted title of iWantMedia's Media Person of the Year. They beat out Perez Hilton, Rosie O'Donnell, Don Imus and others. Maybe they will carry this momentum with them when they resume negotiations tomorrow.

Commercialism Is Alive This Holiday Season!

While I watched A Charlie Brown Christmas tonight, all I could think of were old holiday commercials. This special seems kind of incomplete without ads for My Buddy and Magna Doodles.

Some of the most memorable holiday commercials were for food...or maybe I was a very hungry child.

Good luck getting this Fruity Pebbles jingle out of your head. Its been in mine for 15 years.

This commercial is for Coke Santa Packs. This song is actually catchy and borderline jazzy. My favorite part is when they call Coke "the only real holiday refreshment." I guess they haven't heard of eggnog or Pomegranate 7-Up.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

The-N Moves Out

The N, (Nickelodeon for teenagers) is getting it's own channel. I imagine the conversation between The N and its parent channel, Noggin went something like this:

Noggin: You have got to stop showing teens doing drugs, getting drunk, having sex with each other, failing classes, and causing a ruckus.
The N: Shut up! You can't tell me what to do.
Noggin: As long as you take up 10 hours of programming on my channel, you will do what I say.
The N: Well then maybe I'll just start my own channel then!
Noggin: Fine!
The N: Fine!

And scene.

Confused? Nickelodeon wanted an educational channel for pre-school kids. Enter Noggin. The N is the primetime and late night programming block on Noggin (think Adult Swim on Cartoon Network) It is home to South of Nowhere, About A Girl, and re-runs of Fresh Prince, Sabrina The Teenage Witch, etc. Probably due to the popularity of Canadian mega-show Degrassi, The-N is stretching their legs and getting their own network.

Still confused? Watch this handy promo. If this doesn't get you excited for teen drama 24/7, I don't know what will. I can almost feel the adolescent angst and depression already.

Please Let Art Imitate Life!

Take a look at this picture. This was in today's Wisconsin State Journal. Yes, in between two lakes, the city managed to fit a capital, a college, some businesses and a few dozen prostitutes. The story was pretty interesting and shed some light on how the city is handling the problem...YARD SIGNS!

Why isn't this a TV show? F the writers. You can't make this stuff up. This is straight out of an episode of Picket Fences. I've been laughing at it all day. Imagine if it were a weekly half-hour? I'm already rolling with ideas. Get in on the ground floor.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Serenity Now! It's #100!

It's the 100th post. I'm a sucker for numbers. I consulted the other half for how to celebrate.

" Haha ok. Um how about 10 top lines in TV ever."

She presents a pretty tall order. I'm not old enough to remember nor appreciate some of the best lines this medium has to offer. TV Land took care of compiling the 100 Greatest Catchphrases of all time. However, they're old. Most of the characters mentioned were probably taped up in my mother's locker in high school. My list will be a little different. More current, not as classic, and will smell less like prunes and Ovaltine.

My Top Ten isn't made up of the Greatest Lines of All Time, just my favorites of the last two decades.

1. "I couldn't help but wonder..." (Carrie, Sex & The City)
2. "That's what she said." (Michael, The Office)
3. "We were on a break!" (Ross, Friends)
4. "Woah" (Joey, Blossom)
5. "Make it work." (Tim Gunn, Project Runway)
6. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Seinfeld)
7. "I've made a huge mistake." (Gob, Arrested Development)
8. "Whaaaaaaats Up?" (Martin, Martin)
9. "Upload the schematics to my PDA." (Jack Bauer, 24)
10."Homey Don't Play Dat!" (Homey Da Clown, In Living Color)