It's Memorial Day. Do You Know Where Your Remote Is?

In between grilling copious amounts of brats and burgers, remembering our troops and taking naps outside, please note that Memorial Day also offers a great opportunity for TV watching.

Like the days leading up to Christmas, Memorial Day is rife with TV marathons. If you have an addictive personality, just need to catch up on some old favorites, or if you just have nothing else to do and hate the sun, today is just for you. Here's what's coming on:

• TNT is showing 13 episodes of the original Law & Order today. With so many episodes at their disposal it would have made sense to have a theme for the episodes like "creepiest criminals," "make-ups and break-ups," etc. That was kind of a missed opportunity.
  

• Jon & Kate Plus 8 takes over TLC today.
  

• Oxygen is running back-t0-back episodes of Bad Girls Club this morning followed by Deion & Pillar: Prime Time Love this afternoon. I tell you this just so you can avoid that station at all costs today.
  

• Animal Planet is running their popular advice show It's Me Or The Dog. I always thought this show was truly an ultimatum and a boyfriend or girlfriend would have to decide between the dog and the partner. It's really just Dog Whisperer with a second-hand Cesar Milan. My show would've been a lot more interesting.
  

• In an odd choice, FX decided to run back-to-back episodes of That 70's Show. Even if their original shows (Nip/Tuck, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) are too raunchy for daytime, they could've at least picked a good comedy, or maybe just some old movies.
  

• MSNBC is running one of my favorite series' Lock Up. Sidenote, my roommate and I were watching the show last night and at Kentucky State Pen, prisoners with good behavior can get moved to the minimum security house. The house has cable, a stocked fridge, a vegetable garden and it's on the lake. Basically, it's better than our apartment.
  

• For those of you who like to kick it old school, BET is airing Diff'rent Strokes all day.
  

• And in an odd twist, MTV is running back-to-back eps of American Gladiators. I'm not quite sure how or why.
  

So have a safe and happy Memorial Day. Don't drink and drive, wear sunscreen, and avoid the Oxygen at all costs.

Oh No You Didn't!

Janice Dickinson is flippin' nuts.

First she calls Tyra Banks fat on the Today Show...then she tries to back-up. Then she goes Star Jones and tries to bring more shit.

I wouldn't mess with Tyra. No one should bite the sassy black hand that feeds them. She'll Tiffany your ass in heartbeat. And for any JD fans out there (heaven forbid) who say she's a celebrity in her own right. Yeah....no. Tyra made Janice famous again. She'd been skyrocketed into irrelevancy a long time ago. Now she's trying to get sassy so people will watch her awful, awful show.

I'm not buying it. Get over yourself Janice.

Coolio's Not-So-Fantastic Voyage

File this under: "Things That Make Me Embarrased to Say I Love TV." I may have to get bigger folders.

Apparently, lady-friendly network Oxygen just greenlight a series starring former 90's rap star and wacky hair-guy Coolio. The show, titled Coolio and the Gang, follows the OG on the trials and tribulations of being a single parent raising half a dozen teenagers, while trying to start his own clothing line.

If you aren't cringing already, just wait. Oxygen's President of Programming likened Coolio And The Gang a modern-day, real-life My Three Sons.

No flippin' way. I was an avid fan and supporter of Coolio. Then, he had to go and do this to me. If not done correctly, CATG could be an estrogenized,  version of Run's House...but worse. I didn't think it could get any worse. 

Too his credit, reality shows about families can go either way. I didn't like The Osbournes, but House of Carters was a hidden gem. The Coolio family (does he have a last name?) could be dynamic and witty. The show could be groundbreaking....or it could be the remains of Growing Up Gotti rising up like an urban phoenix.

Coolio, if you're reading this, do what you can to get out now. Just remember what you said to a 10-year-old me in your hottest jam to date " Gangsta's Paradise."

"Too much television watching, got me chasing dreams"