Labor Day Weekend TV Marathons!

It's a holiday weekend! If you're not spending your final hours of summer getting outside, sucking down ice cream cones or wearing all of the white clothes you can, feel free to stay inside and catch all the action on the boob tube.

The good folks over at one of my favorite TV blogs, The Remote Island, put together a pretty comprehensive list of all of the marathons this Labor Day weekend.

I've already got my DVR locked and loaded. In honor of the kickoff of the college football season tomorrow, I'll be watching a few dozen episodes of Coach on Sunday, hungover as hell. That Dauber makes me laugh every time...especially after five or six beers.

Photo: Sitcomhell.com

It's Memorial Day. Do You Know Where Your Remote Is?

In between grilling copious amounts of brats and burgers, remembering our troops and taking naps outside, please note that Memorial Day also offers a great opportunity for TV watching.

Like the days leading up to Christmas, Memorial Day is rife with TV marathons. If you have an addictive personality, just need to catch up on some old favorites, or if you just have nothing else to do and hate the sun, today is just for you. Here's what's coming on:

• TNT is showing 13 episodes of the original Law & Order today. With so many episodes at their disposal it would have made sense to have a theme for the episodes like "creepiest criminals," "make-ups and break-ups," etc. That was kind of a missed opportunity.
  

• Jon & Kate Plus 8 takes over TLC today.
  

• Oxygen is running back-t0-back episodes of Bad Girls Club this morning followed by Deion & Pillar: Prime Time Love this afternoon. I tell you this just so you can avoid that station at all costs today.
  

• Animal Planet is running their popular advice show It's Me Or The Dog. I always thought this show was truly an ultimatum and a boyfriend or girlfriend would have to decide between the dog and the partner. It's really just Dog Whisperer with a second-hand Cesar Milan. My show would've been a lot more interesting.
  

• In an odd choice, FX decided to run back-to-back episodes of That 70's Show. Even if their original shows (Nip/Tuck, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia) are too raunchy for daytime, they could've at least picked a good comedy, or maybe just some old movies.
  

• MSNBC is running one of my favorite series' Lock Up. Sidenote, my roommate and I were watching the show last night and at Kentucky State Pen, prisoners with good behavior can get moved to the minimum security house. The house has cable, a stocked fridge, a vegetable garden and it's on the lake. Basically, it's better than our apartment.
  

• For those of you who like to kick it old school, BET is airing Diff'rent Strokes all day.
  

• And in an odd twist, MTV is running back-to-back eps of American Gladiators. I'm not quite sure how or why.
  

So have a safe and happy Memorial Day. Don't drink and drive, wear sunscreen, and avoid the Oxygen at all costs.

OMG ANTM!

Cycle 10 of America's Next Top Model premieres tonight! I usually only watch the show while I'm hungover in its marathon form on VH1 but after missing all of cycle 9, I'd like to get in on the ground floor. It's been too long since I've seen young, bitchy girls back stab each other. Not that all models are mean by nature, but I do think a majority of them are hungry and tired so they're a bit more likely to get a case of the grumpies.

Wondering what some of the Top Models have been up to since they left Tyra's loving embrace? Entertainment Weekly put together a slideshow with some of the fan favorites. (Naima's in a band with her boyfriend. He looks exactly like you think he would.) I'll post the link when I get a hold of it.

And sidenote: For the reality-TV minded ladies out there without DVRs, where will your loyalties lie tonight? Will you watch the Top 12 women sing for their lives on American Idol or will you watch the premiere of ANTM? Between tonight's TV choices, and picking a presidential candidate, it's been a hard year for the fairer sex so far.

My BGTVW: Because There Just Aren't Enough Acronyms

I read a newspaper article about a new gay bar opening up in town with the unforunate name, Plan B. I laughed out loud. There are several bar names that don't make homosexuality sound like a lesser orientation or option, but Plan B somehow won that coin toss. After a good chuckle, and a few head shakes. I decided it would be a nice time to have another Big Gay TV Weekend. Here's what's on the docket:

• I recorded Miss America: Reality Check and How to Look Good Naked. The shows are hosted by some of my favorite fellas; Michael Urie and Carson Kressley. I am halfway through Miss America and it is going quite well. Not as funny as Crowned, but oddly enough the girls are more compelling. They have issues, they hunt, they hate pre-marital sex, they have big hair, the list goes on. Who knew?

• In the spirit of my love of prison documentaries, I watched a drama on Logo called Bad Girls about life in Larkhall Womens Prison Facility. I'm not a huge fan of British TV, but this one of the best dramatic imports I've seen in a long time.
  

• I am devoting a few hours tomorrow to my favorite episodes of Six Feet Under which revolve around David & Keith's relationship. They're on-again-off-again status was what kept that show moving for me. Probably because Brenda was so crazy.
  

• Tomorrow is the season premiere of The L Word. Woohoo! If you don't have the iron-like willpower that I possess, you can watch the full episode online right now on OurChart.
  

It's going to be a long weekend, but this is the stuff that winter break is made of. Plus I need to get all of the fun out of my system now before I hunker down for my Lost marathon.

Escape Into TV This Holiday Season

Every holiday, television networks work very hard to attract viewers and retain them when their days off are over. The best way to do this is with marathons. Nothing says, "Please watch my channel" like a non-stop block of Cops. These marathons are also awesome for testing the waters on a new show or having a ham coma on the couch.

So in case you feel like tuning in, here are the best and worst marathons on TV the next few days:

• TNT is airing a mini-marathon of ER holiday episodes. ER recognized the importance of the fall finale long before that term existed. These episodes represent some of the best dramatic television of the mid to late nineties. The episodes start Christmas Eve Morning. If nothing else, make time for Hindsight, one of my favorite ERs ever at 1:35 pm CST.
  

• A&E is airing several episodes of Cold Case Files. This show is kind of intense, but well made. If you're into crime shows, might I suggest the Christmas marathons of Cold Case, Monk or CSI:Miami. Brighter colors, cheesier dialogue and less talk about dead children, at least real ones. The latter marathons are on TNT, USA and A&E respectively. Old school CSI is also in marathon form on Spike...but you'll have to sit through their commercials which leave a lot to be desired.
  

• The History Channel is running an all-day tribute to UFOs. Don't ask me how it relates to history. Last week they aired Forest Gump. I think they're running out of content. Anyway, it's a bunch of different shows which is a refreshing innovation to the marathon. You can see Deep Sea UFOS, UFO Hunters, and Beyond War of the Worlds. Just nerdy enough to be cool.
  

• And if you feel like hating yourself this Christmas, you can tune in to The Hills marathon on MTV or the Countdown one (100 Greatest Reality Moments, 100 Greatest songs of the '80s) on VH1. Please don't watch this. Just don't give in to the temptation and subject yourself to irrelevant people pretending to be relevant talking about ridiculous things...and that's just on VH1.

• The best marathon of all starts on the evening of the 24th with 24 Hours of A Christmas Story. For several years in a row, my favorite gift has been this marathon. It's hilarious, heart-felt and bundled up in tradition, just like Randy in a snowsuit. And unlike most movies, I really can watch it over and over again. It has some kind of magic power.
  

And now you have something to do over Christmas Eve and Christmas. Well, outside of family stuff. For some of you, instead of family stuff. And for my chosen friends out there, you just get to enjoy the spoils.

Marathon Woman

I only have Showtime at my parents' house. It's annoying but it means I can spend more money on Sour Patch Kids and iTunes. But I'm home for the holidays and that means one thing: I'm stocking up on all of the premium channels I can. 

First off: I desperately need to watch the last four episodes of Dexter. To say I am worried about spoiler alerts is an understatement. I am freaked out. Have you seen those new Burger King commercials? It's at " I want a Whopper now!!" level.  Making it worse, Dexter is kind of hard to watch in marathon form. It's bloody, dramatic, and Michael C. Hall's voice is seductive yet approaching soporific. Furthermore, my dad bet me $5 that I can't catch up on the last three episodes tonight so we can watch the season finale together tomorrow. $5! Now there's a mediocre lunch at stake. I can't blow this. What's a girl to do?

The only thing I can do: I'm going to crack my neck, get a glass of ice water and buckle in for a long and gory night.