"If I invaded KFC, wings would be cheap at my house!"

He's back! I havent been this excited since Popeyes Chicken put a location in my home city. Last night, HBO's favorite comedian, Chris Rock, premiered his fourth primetime comedy special and boy did he not dissapoint.

Dont kill the messenger took on a daring new format in which Chris taped performances in London, New York, and South Africa then pieced clips from each show together to form one fairly seemeless comedy special. It was a bold move on Rock's part and I was skeptical at first, but after a short moment of dizzyness, I felt like I was watching comedy history.

Rock touched on politics, the economy, race, and of course...relationships. The show was well paced and quite frankly, hilarious. Chris Rock has firmly cemented his position as the best stand up comedian of our era.

Now if we can only get that crazy Dave Chappelle to come out of hiding, maybe he could challenge the throne.

Weeds. Whoa.

I am blown away.

One could argue Weeds has been crazy this season. Drug trafficking, the Mexican mob, cheese shops, teenage three-ways, etc. But where Entourage takes their crazy and spins it into one-dimensional episodes of fantastical excess, Jenji Kohan and the folks over at Weeds craft complex tales of betrayal, lust and family.

We were treated to the sharp, irreverent wit of Justin Kirk, who's character Andy has morphed from a comic punching bag to a family linchpin just as troubled as Nancy herself. Dean and Celia finally had it out this week and foreshadowed the return of their long-lost daughter Quinn, who we last saw making out with Silas during the show's pilot episode. And in a move that could cost her her life, Nancy squealed to the DEA about the secret tunnel and it was promptly raided. The episode ended with Captain Till's romantic and professional partner Paul getting tortured with a belt sander then murdered, not before he gave up Nancy as an informant. Even her relationship with the Mayor of Tijuana, maestro to this madness, won't help her get out of this one.

Kohan managed to tie up the loose ends of this at times frenetic season together in a perfect bow of fear and funny, just in time for next week's finale. Has Nancy finally gotten herself in too deep? Suddenly those thugs with guns at the end of season two or impending wildfires in season three don't look so bad.

It's official. Showtime just put a nail in the coffin that is HBO television. I am counting the days until next week's episode.

Photo: rocksellout.com

Premieres! Premieres! Premieres!

There's a lot of TV on tonight and frankly I don't want you to miss out.

- First, the show we've all been waiting for with baited breath has finally arrived. Hole In The Wall premieres tonight on Fox at 8/7c. To say I am a little giddy about all of this is an understatement. It's people trying to fit through a hole in a giant wall careening towards them. Honestly? It's pure entertainment.

-The boys on Entourage are back tonight for their 5th season premiere. I will probably catch this but I'm willing to hold out for On Demand. If it's not good from the start, I'm officially giving up. See the ep for yourself tonight at 10/9c on HBO.

-And to get you pumped for your favorite show about celebrities, HBO decided to launch their new show about vampires. True Blood is not something I'd normally enjoy but the premise looks pretty appealing. The show takes place in small-town Louisiana town. Thanks to the miracles of science, vampires can drink synthetic blood and leave the humans alone. This means they can co-exist among the living without causing too much of a stir. Too bad the humans are still a little weary about having their former predators walking the streets again. A waitress in the small town is sympathetic to the vampires' plight, as she too is kind of wack-a-doodle and can hear people's thoughts. It sounds weird but this is pretty much HBO's last grenade in the war against Showtime. Let's hope it doesn't blow up in their faces. True Blood comes on at 9/8c.

I Think I'm Done With Entourage...

The "trailer" for the latest season of Entourage came out this week.



Apparently this season looks just like every other one, except now they have jetskis.

Hot.

Why am I still watching this show? It used to be funny. The characters were dynamic. Jeremy Piven used to be comic gold. Now he (and the rest of the cast) just seem tired and uninspired.

Meanwhile, Mary-Louise Parker is breaking bones during sex scenes over on the set of Weeds. Do you understand now why Showtime is winning the premium cable TV war?

Thanks heavens HBO still has Flight of the Conchords, otherwise their ship would've been sunk when Sopranos went black.

How Much Would You Pay For A Bloody Shirt?

There was an auction of Sopranos wardrobe items in New York last week. The top-earner in said auction? A bowling-style shirt that the big man himself got shot in. So last week some Sopranophile forked over $43, 750 for an ugly shirt caked in fake blood.

Wow.

If you had the money, what memorabilia would you pay for? I'd pay for $15,000 for Michael Scott's desk. It would have to include all of the knick-knacks, flags, mugs, plaques and the like though.

As for wardrobe choices, I would pay a few hundred bucks for Jack Bauer's blue jeans in season six of 24. Dude wore those things out that year. I might also throw down a few grand to own Dangle's short-shorts from Reno 911. They probably smell like ass though. Literally.

Photo: Yahoo! News

TCA Nominations Are Out! Thoughts?

The nominations for the Television Critics Awards came out today. Unlike the Emmy's, the TV critics tend to know what they're talking about and it's always interesting to check out which shows they think are a cut above the rest.

You can see the full list here but here are some stats worth mentioning.

- HBO miniseries John Adams earned three nominations. That may not sound like too many but there are only 9 categories. The show may not win for program of the year but Paul Giamatti will probably walk away with the award for Individual Achievement in Drama.

- Christina Applegate earned a nom for Individual Achievement in Comedy for her work on Samantha Who. Applegate outshines this show. Without her, it probably wouldn't have made it past the Writer's Strike.

- Breaking Bad is off to a great start, with a nomination for Outstanding New Program. I hope this praise means Emmy will shine on this gem of a show as well. Bryan Cranston was superb as a dying teacher and Meth-maker.

-Flight of the Conchords earned a few nominations as well. The boys may walk away with an Emmy this year and I can't wait to hear their acceptance speech.

HBO In Your Home: No Subscription Required?

HBO is working out a deal to sell their some of their TV shows on iTunes.

While this is great news, the real headline here is that the episodes are probably going to sell for more than the $1.99 price-point Apple has for the rest of their TV content. This is the first time in Apple's agreed to different pricing structure ever (at least on iTunes USA).

You may recall NBC taking their shows off the online megastore after Apple refused to sell episodes of The Office, Law & Order and the rest of the line-up for $4.99. I bet the honchos over at the peacock are pretty pissed tonight.

But honestly, most episodes of HBO shows are worth more than $2. The network boasts an amazing canon of modern television. (Deadwood, Sex & The City, Six Feet Under, Big Love, The Sopranos, Extras, Bill Maher, etc.) Hell, I'd pay $5 to watch Bret and Jemaine any day.

HBO Gets "Hung"

HBO just secured some Hollywood clout for its next television project, Hung. The creative mind behind Sideways, (the movie not the book) just signed on to serve as an EP for the dark comedy.

Hung follows the trials and tribulations of a basketball coach with an abnormally large penis. Seriously. But with a title like Hung, I don't know what you were expecting. A biopic of Top Chef Miami winner Hung Huynh?

Not so much.

Sunday Night Round-Up

I missed the 9 PM John Adams so I have to wait for the West Coast feed at 11. So far, its been a very long wait. The worst part? I will probably fall asleep before the 90 minute installment ends. What better to occupy my time than writing to all of you?

• If you loved the return of Comedy Night Done Right (I'm personally still tied to Must See TV) then why not take home the merchandise? Now you can own your very own Serenity By Jan candles (including a Bottled Water scent) or a MILF Island t-shirt. Better question? Why haven't they started selling a Michael Scott edition of the George Foreman Grill
  

• Viva Hollywood, a reality show about Latino actors competing for a starring role on a telenovela, premiered today. I saw an airing this afternoon and while it's not as fun to watch if you don't know telenovela conventions or stars, the drama is still there. Plus one of the wannabes drinks a lot, one isn't there to make friends and the rest of the girls are slutty. It's pretty much just like every other reality show.
  

• Desperate Housewives returned to the air tonight. The show was awful last season and was in the middle of a fantastic comeback before the Strike. Hopefully the break didn't slow their roll and the ladies will be funnier than ever. My secret hope? They take risks without being crazy.
  

• There's a new sitcom premiering on My Network TV tomorrow. It's about an ex-con who moves into his uptight brother's house. It's called Under One Roof. It stars Flava Flav and I will watch it so you don't have to. It's the least I can do for you.
  

Hump Day Update

There's no good on tonight so here's whats happening in TV news.

• Anderson Cooper had a cancerous mole removed from underneath his eye. Apparently the cancer hadn't spread anywhere else and he's doing just fine. I bet his hospital gown was Prada and gorgeous. That is one sharped dressed man.
  

• John Adams brought huge numbers for HBO. Apparently it's the best miniseries debut for the network since 2004. I watched the first and second segments and it really is fantastic, plus one of Adams' speeches to the Continental Congress felt very relevant for 2008.
  

• TV Land is re-branding itself as the network for 40-ish crowd. Their moving away from re-runs and running some originals targeted at this highly coveted demographic. None of them sound very good though.
  

I'd Rather Have A Sam Adams

John Adams, the seven-part miniseries on the life our second president, starts tonight on HBO.

I plan on watching at least the first installment because I want to see what all the fuss is about but it will have to be pretty gripping to keep me coming back six more times.

If anyone can make it interesting, it will be HBO. They've done wonders for funeral homes, carnies and even vapid celebrities so I am optimistic that at least tonight's segment will be worth my time. Plus I am curious as to how they can doctor up Paul Giamatti to make him look a little less (for lack of a better term) schlubby. He's kind of doughy, matty hair, desperate eyes. Not ugly by any means, just schlubby. Like he'd rather in pajamas. Not exactly what comes to mind when you think of John Adams. (Though most of the time when I think of John Adams my mind quickly switches to Sam Adams. ) But make-up, an accent and great costume design can probably cure what ails him.

If anyone else is tuning in, let me know so we can dish tomorrow.

I Finally Saw "The Wire"

I finally saw The Wire at the suggestion, (no urging), of my friend Aleem. I was also motivated by this article from The Onion.

To avoid being the fodder for other novelty newspapers, I went to Aleem's to watch the show on DVD. It was exactly what they said it would be: Abrasive, complex, intense, etc. While it was interesting to watch, and probably some of the best television I've seen in this strike-zone, I wasn't convinced.

Aleem will chalk it up to only seeing two episodes. Purists will say I shouldn't have watched it in a room with a bunch of people, including a few chatty ladies. But they way I see it? It's Hill Street Blues with more drugs, drinking and "fucks." Not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but I am going to need more convincing before I start bowing down at its feet like everyone else in the free world...at least those with HBO.

Crash Into Starz

I hate the movie Crash. If someone gave me several million dollars and told me to make a movie about race in America, I could have made that movie. It wasn't enlightening, it didn't make me think, and it certainly did reveal any truths about being a minority in America. This could be because I spent almost 23 years as a person of color, or it could just be because the movie sucked.

Since the movie isn't popping up as much On Demand, I haven't been able to whip out my Crash rant for awhile...until now. Starz is turning Crash into a TV show.

This is Starz' first foray into television. Unlike HBO and Showtime, Starz held out on TV and invested their money in better movies, usually earlier than the other premium channels. So if making Crash was risky in the first place, now it's being done by amateurs.

Apparently the show wont be all about race relations or car accidents that teach people life lessons. While this is wonderful to hear, I have to wonder if this TV adaptation is really an adaptation at all. As long as it's not so hokey and ridiculous, I'm willing to give it a try.

WGA Awards Nominatons

Well I can't argue with these nominations. Where the Golden Globes failed, the Writers Guild of America succeeded in recognizing some serious talent from this year.

Take a look at the nominees for best television comedy:

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Entourage
Flight of the Conchords
The Office
30 Rock

Flight of the Conchords is highly underrated and I'm glad that they were recognized here. If you're not familiar with New Zealand's favorite novelty folk band, you can check them out here. The show is kind of quirky and obscure but it's hard to keep from laughing, even though you don't always understand why. HBO's best decision in a long time and a great way to forget about Lucky Louie.

All sense has not been lost. Thank you WGA. Other than this whole strike business, you are having the best year ever.

Almost Better Than Shoes: Sex and the City Trailer

Proof that I am easily swayed by vibrant colors, glitter and city skylines:

The Sex and the City movie trailer.

AHHH! I have never been this excited for a movie based on a TV show ever. That's right, not even you Ninja Turtles. I wasn't even that big of a fan when the show was on. Re-runs on TBS can make anyone a believer.

Mostly, I'm just hoping Brady Hobbes got cuter. He was looking pretty raggedy...even for a baby.

TV-Giving

Before I sit down to my favorite meal of the year, here's what I'm thankful for, at least where TV is concerned.

• Returns to normalcy for Desperate Housewives & Prison Break. Thanks for finding your niche and settling in again. I'm glad I held out hope.
  

• The Writers Strike is a blessing in disguise. It's high time the writers get what they deserve, plus it clears the schedule for some ridiculous reality shows that I can rant and laugh at for years to come. Stay tuned for my diatribe on Clash of the Choirs.
  

• Again, I'm thankful for my DVR and iTunes for ensuring I never miss a moment despite late night meetings, boring banquets and priceless moments with friends.
  

• To Showtime & HBO for always raising the bar. The Sopranos finale made people believers again. New shows on HBO (Flight of the Conchords, Tell Me You Love Me) and dark hits on Showtime (Weeds, Dexter) are carrying the torch. They owe it to the Sopranos to continue to develop intelligent beautiful television...and they are.
  

• And before I forget, I'm thankful for all of the great blogs I ran into this year, mostly while writing for this one. Scanner, and Reality Blurred to United Hollywood and Best Week Ever. I learn and laugh my way through work everyday. Thanks for bringing up to date pop culture news to the masses.
  

A Very Happy Thanksgiving to all five of our readers, wherever they are. Here's to lots of turkey, awkward family moments, the best naps of the holiday season and great sales on TV on DVD.

Week In Review

Amazing Race
The teams are in Holland doing a sport called ditch vaulting. Nothing maks me smile more than skinny blond bitches trying something and failing miserably. Especially when failing means they end up covered in mud. Thank you for making my Sunday AR.

***SPOILER ALERT***
I miss Kate & Pat already. One thing I noticed tonight. Doesn't Pat look a little like Dr. Harry Weston (Richard Mulligan) from Empty Nest? They could be brother and sister.

Christmas Specials
The classic cartoon version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas was on TBS twice this weekend. Some may say it's too early. I say these things can't start soon enough. My favorite special is The Little Drummer Boy. Who knew a crappy song on a snare was better than gold or myrrh. Not at the top of my wishlist. If you're looking for an exhaustive list of when all of these things are coming on, especially on ABC Family, then peep this. I just made your day.

Dr. Donda West
Kanye's mom unexpectedly passed away yesterday. She has nothing to do with TV, but I have an inkling she was a classy lady. In this interview on WGN, she discusses her book, Raising Kanye, and her parenting style. The best part? You can tell she secretly hates those ignorant, annoying anchors. She was brilliant English scholar and she raised a musical genius. It's a true tragedy.

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Nothing much to say except it's been really funny this season. I like that Larry and Cheryl are separated. I appreciate it when art imitates life. Plus, with how annoying he is on the show, it's amazing she never left him earlier. And Vivica A. Fox is superb as the matriarch of the Black family. I never saw her as a comedian, but I am not too proud to admit I was wrong.

Tell Me (Dramatic Pause) You Love Me: I love you and I’m not sure why…

Recently I was skimming through the 500s on my living room TV and I came across the last twenty minutes of a show called “Tell Me You Love Me” on HBO8 or HBO45 or whatever. I clicked on the show and watched for two reasons. I needed a study break and the scene was an awkward dinner party.

Let me just say I LOVE awkward scenes that move along only by dialogue. I love dialogue. I crave witty dialogue. Once I took a screenwriting class and was crushed to hear that dialogue is only an added bonus to the action of the scene, that a writer must lead with action and then add dialogue. WHAT? I want dialogue! I’d take well written dialogue over any well thought action in any form of TV or film. Silence is deadly to me.

So I come across this awkward dinner scene between four attractive young adults in their mid 20s. This was probably another reason I was drawn in… hmm, this could be me in five years! How thrilling! So I watched the remaining twenty minutes of the show. The final fade to black with music and the menacing neon-royal blue “TELL ME (drop a line space) YOU LOVE ME” appeared.

Alright, I think. What is this? It wasn’t a movie, that was certainly no final scene; that was the end of an episode. So I go to OnDemand and find that “Tell Me You Love Me” is a new HBO Series. I then go to IMDb, duh, and find out everything about everyone who is in the show. Interesting.

Then over the next week I ended up catching up with every episode of the new drama series and for some reason finding myself invested in the characters and the problems. The dialogue between the two youngest female leads, Jamie and Mason could not be more accurate, honest, and seductive. As I watched each character develop episode to episode I found myself really drawn to their stories and their lives. I felt invasive, but at the same time I could relate. Well done HBO, well done.

I haven’t felt this way about a drama in a long time. “Tell Me You Love Me” is our decades “Thirtysomething” only a little more raunchy, hip, and definitely more sex obsessed. The show actually only revolves around sex. Which is kind of a shameful thing for me to say after admitting that I’m hooked. But either way, the characters are different and raw and all decently well played. I think this is my new guilty pleasure.

Five Days

Miniseries. Let the phrase sink in for a second. You probably think of crappy westerns, drawn out biopics, or on the other end of the spectrum, something like Roots. After catching the first part of one today, I have renewed faith in the genre.

HBO's Five Days is the all-too-realistic story of a mother, Leanne (Christine Tremarco) in the UK who literally vanishes from view while her young children wait in the car. The kids, ages 7 and 5 take off in search of her with the family's new dog tow. The series follows not only the shocked and grieving family members, (including the woman's bratty daughter from a previous marriage), the local press secretary, the police, a kidnapper, and an up and coming journalist.

The five episode series covers five days in the disappearance of the young woman and her children, jumping from day 1 to 3 and then 28.

I am hooked after the first installment because of the show's subtley and truly innovative format in the wake of so many formulaic crime dramas. David Oyelowo plays Matt, Leanne's husband, with more complexity and compassion than I've seen on TV, even HBO in a long time. Watching him stare silently into the eyes of that police officer set the tone for the rest of the series; intensity, fear, vulnerability. It was truly phenomenal.

Five Days will run every Tuesday night at 8 Eastern, and anytime you want On Demand.

For more information, check out this great review from The New York Times.