Least Shocking News Of The Day

American Idol season 2 runner-up Clay Aiken finally came out of the closest. Kudos buddy! Though I'm sure there are a million and one teenage girls and older moms who are so sad to hear they'll never be Mrs. Aiken, you just gave hope to many more gentlemen fans.

The media blast for this is off the charts. People magazine is running a full exclusive on the web tomorrow morning and Aiken and his baby are this week's cover story.

When you're out, you're out I guess.

Photo: ebaumsworld.com

And I Am Telling Youuuu: J-Hud Can Do Better

News just broke that Oscar winner, Obama darling, Dreamgirl, and former American Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson is engaged to her boyfriend of less than a year, David Otunga. While Otunga may not sound too familiar, maybe the name "Punk" rings a bell. Yep, J-Hud's fiance was a former contestant on I Love New York 2.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's a nice guy and they probably have loads in common considering they're both from Chicago and they've survived reality shows. But with an Academy Award on her mantle, a budding film career and a new album dropping soon, Jennifer Hudson seems poised for stardom and her future hubby well...doesn't.

So let's do our girl a favor and offer up some suggestions for potential mates. Sure she's engaged, but like my man Michael Scott says, "BFD, engaged ain't married."

Here are my three picks for eligible fellas:

• Kanye West: He's from Chicago too! He may be kind of a short fuse but most genius' are. Pros: He's bright, has great clothes, brilliant artist (possibility for duets?) Cons: He's always on tour, he's an awful blogger and did we mention that short fuse?

• Jason from The Bachelorette: If dating show rejects are J-Hud's thing, then look no further than Jason. He was left down on one knee on the last season of The Bachelorette. Cue one giant case of the weepies. Pros: Adorable, great dad to that little son of his. Cons: Already committed to serve as next Bachelor...may be committing for his affections with 15 other ladies.
  

• My brother Chris: He has ambition, he cooks, he owns a condo, and guess where he was born? Chi-Town! Pros: Marrying someone out of the spotlight could give her a nice repreive. Cons: I would never stop requesting that she sing songs from Dreamgirls.
  

Anyone else have some good suggestions? What's that Prince William up to? That quarterback for USC was pretty hot yesterday when he trounced Ohio State. Someone fax his number to Hudson's people...stat!

Photo: rap-up.com

Free Association: The New American Idol Judge

In case edubTV is your only source of TV news, (my apologies BTW), you may not have heard that there's a new full-time American Idol judge joining Paula, Randy and Simon. Her name is Kara Dioguardi and she's a songwriter by trade and also Senior Vice-President of A&R at Warner Brothers.

According to my favorite speedy research tool Wikipedia, her songs have been recorded by some heavy hitters (Santana, Faith Hill, and Celine Dion) and some not-so-heavy-hitters (Ashlee Simpson! Ouch!)

A lot of thoughts came to mind when I heard the news about the 4th judge. Instead of trying to articulate tonight, I thought I would just give myself 60 seconds to jot down some notes. Piece them together as you wish. And your time starts....now:

• Paula = Pill Popper/ Kara = Not Pill Popper
• How will they sit?
• Will I still be a Randy? Or will I be a Kara?
• Has she been on auditions?
• Is there room for a 4th person behind the table?
• Do you have to get three votes to move on now?
• If Seacrest has to ask one more person what they thought, won't that make the show even longer?
• She looks like Katherine McPhee
  
• I miss Dunkleman.
  

And stop. I wish I could've ended on a thought better than Brian Dunkleman.

Photo: LA Times

A Reality TV Analogy

Drag Queen night on Project Runway : Broadway Night on American Idol

What's with these shows this season? Week after week you berate your contestants for making their clothes too costume-y, too drag queen-y and then you give them an entire Drag Queen challenge? The same thing happened on Idol this season during Andrew Lloyd Weber night. It just doesn't make sense.

On a positive note, it is wonderful to see Chris March again. I miss his laugh and wacky style.

That's my two cents.

Photo: NYCblog.Citysearch.com

Maybe They Listed The Wrong Address

Poor, poor American Idol. They decided to hold auditions in Puerto Rico, the 50 states' sexy-but complicated half brother from a previous marriage. As it turns out, about 300 people showed up.

Let's write that again shall we?

300.

This means the same amount of people showed up to fight in a bloody, virtually un-winnable battle in a mountain pass than in sunny, beach-filled Puerto Rico for Idol auditions.

That's a sad state of affairs.

But to Puerto Rico's credit: most of the people auditioning in any given city are not from that city or even the area. It's a lot easier to drive to Los Angeles from your farm in Oregon than to buy airfare to Puerto Rico. And because of the way they shoot the show, you'd have to do it twice. No thanks.

I can't wait to see Seacrest chatting up the 300 folks who came out. Where are they going to find a stadium small enough to shoot that intro "This is...American Idol!" shot? A high school gym-a-cafe-torium?

Proof!

The following story is all the proof I need to know that not only does a higher power exist, but he or she has a sense of humor.

The King of the Coif, Ryan Seacrest, got bit by a shark over the weekend.

It was a baby shark, and it only nipped his foot, but apparently it left behind a tooth.

Best news I've heard all day. I don't hate the guy, but does anyone else smile a bit when pretty people with lots of money get theirs?



Photo: TheLifeofLuxury.com

Guess Who's Preggers?

Remember Paris Bennett, the short-stack teenager with the squeaky speaking voice who graced the American Idol stage a few years back? If you don't, here she is on Barry Manilow night:



Well little Paris is 19 now and she's knocked up! She's essentially the Fantasia Barrino story in reverse.

Really? No It's Fine I'm Just Surprised Is All

As of tomorrow, David Cook will own 11 spots on the Billboard Hot 100. He is the first artist ever (at least in the Nielsen Soundscan era) to debut 11 songs in the same week.

Pros:

• Archuleta doesn't have 11 songs on the Top 100.
• After a rocky season, American Idol proves it can still pack a punch.
• Cook seems like a nice guy, he's a fun performer.
  

Cons:

• We've got 100 spots to take the current pulse of popular music. David Cook owns 11 of them.
  

Even Idol fans might admit that's overkill...actually they probably wouldn't.

Hump Day Updates

• My least favorite "chef" on Hell's Kitchen sliced off the tip of his thumb in a cooking related fiasco. Gosh that guy is a tool.
  

• Did anyone else know Kristen Davis, Charlotte of Sex and the City fame, is a recovering alcoholic? She's been sober for years apparently so those Cosmos were probably just raspberry lemonades. Chances are, she quit cold turkey after this.
  

• Tonight's American Idol results are the first step to restoring the international community's faith in America.
  

• I saw an "exclusive engagement" (their words not mine) of the new Indiana Jones movie tonight. It was a great movie, full of fun, surprises and action. Too many corny special effects but I'm no movie blogger. The biggest surprise of the night was the excellent performance by Shia LaBeouf. He was genuine, witty and surprisingly realistic as a 1950s greaser. Who knew the happy-go-lucky kid from Even Stevens would end up side by side with Indiana Jones? I wonder what happened to Ren?

My Two Cents On The Idol Finale

For the good of the contest, music, and the remaining months of a boy's childhood, I am rooting for David Cook to win American Idol tonight.

Disagree, write messages in all caps, call me tone deaf, call me stupid, say what you will. Winning this is not in the cards for him. Let him grow up, let him find a passion for music rather than a talent for it. Once he's inspired, no doubt his music will be too.

And remember, coming in second isn't a death sentence, not even close. Clay Aiken is promoting a hit album right now while Taylor Hicks just got dropped from his record label and is playing Teen Angel in Grease on Broadway.

Whether you love David Archuleta or you hate him, you know the right thing to do. Support David Cook in his effort to be your next American Idol.

Hump Day Update

It's Wednesday and always there's too much to talk about. How was your hump day everybody?

• Top Chef finally got rid of my least favorite chef. I won't give it away, but let me just say: I'm glad he's gone mate.
  
  
• David Blaine broke the world record for holding your breath under water after breathing in pure oxygen for 25 minutes. Yes, the record is that specific. Apparently there are two types of records. One where you don't take in the pure oxygen and one where you do. Either way, you get the shakes, your heart goes funny and you look like a dumbass in a giant globe of water on the Oprah set. If SNL were new this week, they'd be having a field day.


• And in Idol chatter, one of my favorites, Brooke White, went home tonight. She wasn't going to win, but I did like her modesty, sincerity and every other week, her voice.
  


• Anyone else see Charlie Gibson fill in on Good Morning America this morning? His stint reminded me just how much I miss him at the desk. They played old clips of him all morning. My favorite was from a few years ago when Sam Champion was just filling in for Spencer Christian one day. The scene went something like this:

Robin: Thank you Sam. And yes America, Sam Champion is his real name.
Charlie: Really, that's your real name? Sam Third Place Finisher just doesn't have the same effect.

Charlie, feel free to come back to GMA anytime...seriously.

This Week In American Idol

I'm still watching tonight's episode.

I have a couple things to say:

• Why are people still voting for Jason Castro? If he's still here next week, I'm through.
  
• Apparently the folks over at Idol are contemplating how they can make the show better. My suggestion? More crazy Paula and less bad singing.
  
• If David Cook can eek out an American Idol win, it will give this show the credibility it so desperately needs this season.
  

Back to suffering through the back end of tonight's episode.

This Week In Idol News

Just a little bit on tonight's American Idol results. Stop here if you want to remain spoiler free.

I only got the tail end of the show last night (about 30 seconds after Brooke started over). For the most part I was unimpressed with everyone's performance but at least David Cook got to show off his pipes. Anyway, I assumed I must have missed the great performances. I watched all of the contestants online today and was officially saddened. Where was the excitement this week? So many great songs to pick from. So many genres, styles and above all, opportunity to shine. Everyone fell short.

That being said, some fell harder then others. It wasn't Carly's turn to go home tonight. Your days are numbered my dreadlocked friend. I'm not on the beach, I'm not high and I no longer appreciate your mellow sounds. And don't think you're immune either Syesha. You're talented but if last night proved anything it's that you belong in musical theater, not the top of the charts.

Hump Day Updates

Lots of little things to talk about today.

• These new Gossip Girl ads are steamy. People are getting this much ass in high school? I should've spent less time in forensics.
  

• I Tivo'ed Idol Gives Back tonight but I haven't had a chance to watch it yet. This is probably for the best seeing as it is probably the cheesiest 2.5 hours of television known to man...since this of course.

• It's official: I will watch Chris Hansen sting just about anybody.

• Dr. Oz is probably the only person in Oprah's posse who is intelligent and charismatic enough to get his own show. It's about time he steps out from under her cashmere wing. Maybe this one will actually be worth watching.
  
  
  

This Week In American Idol

Just a few things I noticed during tonight's live telecast (in no particular order):

• Ryan clears up any confusion as to who is behind David Cook's rockin' arrangements...thus preventing the tamest scandal in music history.
  
• My love affair with Ramiele is over. I thought she was adorable and a solid vocalist in the early weeks but after tonight, I am ready to see her go.
  
• Meanwhile, I did love Brooke's version of Jolene and I was disappointed to hear the judges weren't as impressed. Hopefully her good nature and originality will keep her around another week.
  
• I wonder how Michael Johns styles his hair, if at all. His ascot was rubbing me the wrong way though. My favorite performance of the night though.
  
• After her patriotic number last week, Kristy Lee Cook is getting some major attention this week. Did anyone else hear Ryan compliment her french pedicure?
  
• David Archuleta blended into the pack again for me. Not shocking
  

Hump Day Update

I love TV, but a few things drove me a little nuts today about my favorite medium.

• I'm watching Top Chef and while it's nothing new, those little "coming up on Top Chef" clips are starting to drive me nuts. Trust that I will stay to watch and just go to the commercials. I don't need any more Padma than absolutely necessary. I do love Andrew though. He dances on the border between funny and sociopathic.
  

• American Idol **Spoiler Alert** - I am sad that Chikezie got voted off. He wasn't a great singer but he seemed funny and I liked watching the few occasions when he shook things up.
  

• One of my favorite game shows, Family Feud, is making the move to primetime NBC. I think it deserves a 21st century update but I don't like that they're fussing with the family aspect a bit. The show could feature celebrity kin or casts of NBC shows (Think 30 Rock vs. Heroes). I miss Ray Combs.
  

This Week In Idol Chatter

A mother in Indianapolis was so wrapped up in last week's American Idol results show that she left her two young daughters alone in the bathtub where one almost drowned.

Sheila Brooks was watching the episode with her oldest daughters, ages 7 and 5 while her younger girls, ages 3 and 1 were in the tub. The results, (which weren't even shocking to most people) must have greatly captivated Brooks because she forgot her young daughters were in the bath unattended. When she realized her error, she didn't run in to check on the girls herself, instead she sent the 7-year-old in to do a spot check. When the young girl noticed her sister submerged in the water, she called for help. Luckily Mom was willing to tear herself away long enough to do get her daughter to the hospital.

Luckily the 3-year-old is okay and in protective custody with the rest of her sisters. Brooks hasn't been charged with anything yet, but between the neglect and marijuana paraphernalia police found in her home, she won't be scott free for long. At least they get Fox in jail.

Found in Indianapolis Star via Reality Blurred.

The Day I Pissed Off The David Archuleta Fans

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about Hollywood Week on Idol. Nothing too crazy, pretty much in the same vein as all of my posts; sarcastic, critical, but all-in-all just writing down a few notes. Not exactly an essay. Like most posts, no one commented and I moved on. But this week a reader posted the following:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for hating on David! It'll make it so much easier to laugh at you when he succeeds!! Oh, and by the way, he has a paralyzed vocal chord, unlike you, who sits at home and judges black people and prodigies. Guess ur another 1 2 add 2 my "Hataz" list!!!!

There are a lot of things interesting with this comment but we will try to keep it to a minimum.

• I'm aware of the throat condition. I put "sounds" in bold and italics to make you aware that a singer doesn't have to sound like he has one. (Satchmo, Tom Waits and Bob Dylan excluded)
  
• If David Archuleta is a prodigy, then there are a lot of prodigies running around high school show choirs across the nation. Don't use the word lightly. If you enjoy his music, great. But a prodigy? Really? Even you may argue that word was a little strong.
  
• It's hard to take offense to someone who writes with numbers and uses unnecessary Zs. I felt your intensity though.
  
• And oh yeah, I'm Black.
  

So I had a good laugh, went to bed and moved on. But this week, edubTV became enemy number one for David Archuleta fans. Thanks to some sort of message board or blog search, I've received 8 more anonymous comments from fans telling me I'm a freak, a lazy bum, I can't hear, etc. The Archies are obviously a very passionate group of people. A little nuts but what good group of fans aren't? You cant say they don't care.

The only thing? I actually don't. If David Archuleta walks away with an American Idol victory, there's no bad blood with me. I'm not even watching the show in real time or voting. What power do I possess to shift this competition? Absolutely zero.

So why this post? I am fascinated by the outpouring of unflinching support for American Idol contestants. Fans of all ages are following these people to the ends of the earth. While I fully support having a strong cause to fight for, does anyone else think it's alarming that some have chosen teenage/twenty-something singers?

It's Hollywood Week!

It's Hollywood Week on American Idol. Who will make the Top 24?

Let's dish. First, my favorites!

Jeffrey Lampkin: He looks like a giant Raisinette, but who am I to judge? His voice isn't that good either. Why do I like him? He sang about pie, cake and chocolate swirls. Combining music and food is the way to instant stardom.

Syesha Mercado: She's sassy, she has adorable heels, a great voice and pop appeal and her name will scare White people. My favorite so far.

Not My Faves:

Michael Johns: He's a Michael McDonald wannabe, and Australian no less. Same thing with Carly Smithson. She's at least losing the accent a little bit. Question: If an Australian wins Idol, will the terrorists win? Potentially. Plus Johns is one of those cute guys who knows he's good looking. Worst quality ever.

David Archuleta: He's a Ryan Pinkston doppleganger who sounds like he has a throat condition. And those compliments are going to his little 16-year-old head. I didn't think he was so great, and only 30% of that is 16-year-old me getting jealous. This guy is going to be the next Diana Degarmo. What happened to her? Exactly.

American Idol Bingo!

American Idol premieres tonight and while I love the show, the audition episodes can get draining. To keep the fun going, I made an Idol Bingo board (click to enlarge) that you can use while you watch tonight.

My friend Amber also had the handy idea of turning this into a drinking game. Because most of these things are sure to happen, that would be an excellent way to spice up an otherwise boring telecast.

Happy Viewing!