Monday, February 18, 2008

Howard Cosell She Is Not

I may have been snowed in at Mom & Dad's last night, but the season finale of American Gladiators kept things pretty hot, (though still not hot enough to avoid crappy cliches.)

Two hours of yelling, (potential) 'roid rage, homo-erotic outfits and nerf guns made for a banner evening. The icing on the cake came when my mother woke up from her near hibernation like slumber to share her witticisms and color commentary with my father and I. Here are a few of her gems:

" That guy, (eventual Gladiator champion Evan Dollard) looks like he's on speed. Somebody check his waterbottle."

"Why do the white people always win the games?"

"Do you think Hulk Hogan's doo-rag has that blond hair sewn to the edges?"

"Justice (Tall, Black Gladiator with a 1987 movie-villan hair cut) must have gotten into this show to legally assault white people."

Let's just say I wouldn't have minded if she kept sleeping. Though her constant questions and criticism were no match for the excruciatingly annoying post-competition jabber between the contenders and hosts Leila Ali and Hulk Hogan. It would've taken a few hits in the head with that joust stick to make that portion, (or perhaps the whole evening), tolerable.