Most Awkward Interview Ever

I found this on LAist via Scanner. It's an interview with actress Dani Maura. If the name doesn't sound familiar, it's probably because she's more widely know and Chelsey, Kelsey or Ashley. That's right, Dani plays the pedophile bait on To Catch A Predator.

The interview with her is tragically awkward. It's been awhile since I've seen a journalist be so funny on accident. It's almost approaching the level of that grape-stomping reporter. One of the questions she asks is:

When you go out in public do you ever start to suspect random people of being pedophiles?

But in the journalist's defense, the material she's covering is pretty comical. It turns out Dani is getting her own reality show, wants to be a singer and she has lupus. Who knew?

Golden Girls Scandal!

I watched three episodes of Golden Girls today on a fluke. I don't usually tune in to Lifetime, but something, I don't even remember what, lured me to it. Golden Girls was on before I went to work and a double header came on once I got home. Hot.

I forgot just how wonderfully funny that show was! Blanche was a hussy, Rose was a little slow but good intentioned, Dorothy was old school. My favorite find? Sofia.

We can talk about how funny she is later, but what I think is crazy is how old she is, and by old I mean young.

Estelle Getty was born on July 25, 1923, which makes her 84 years-old. She looked 84 on Golden Girls, so this is not too shocking. More shocking? Bea Arthur, who played Sofia's daughter Dorothy was born on May 13...1922.

WHAAAAA? Yes, Bea Arthur is over a year older than Estelle Getty. This boggles my mind. Thinking about this is like looking at an M.C. Escher painting. I need to lie down.

AMC Breaks Bad Habits

When is the last time you watched AMC? I forgot the channel existed, and when I do think about it, I confuse it with Turner Classic Movies. AMC is oft-forgotten, a channel lost amid the shuffle of go-to networks like TNT, TBS and Bravo. But this season, they're the little engine that could.

They've received critical acclaim for their hit show Mad Men, a program following the lives of alpha-male advertising honchos in the 1960s. John Hamm is brilliant on it, but we're not talking about that this time.

Instead I've decided to focus on Breaking Bad, AMC's new show about a dying chemistry teacher who decides to go into business with a former student...making crystal meth. It's a grittier, darker version of Weeds. More intensity, bigger stakes and with better acting. The show stars Bryan Cranston, the dad on Malcolm and the Middle. He's stretching his legs for this show and so far it's working out brilliantly. Cranston and the show will probably rack up some serious praise come awards season next year. Mark my words.

Breaking Bad is on AMC and like the premium channels, you can catch it pretty much all week long, though the episodes premeire on Sundays.

Things I Wish Were TV Shows

New Kids on the Block are getting back together and going on a reunion tour. The has-been status, no one recognizing them at the airport, the shitty hotels, former fans with kids, old women throwing underwear on stage...the possibilities are endless.

They have jobs and kids, families to go back to now. I bet they can't sing as well as they used to either. That first tune-up is probably going to be rough. Why can't we all be there to witness it?

Dear Producers,
If you can greenlight some of the most ridiculous shows on television, please contact NKOTB and get the wheels in motion. VH1 has room in their schedule.

Love,

edubTV

SAG Awards Tonight!

The Screen Actors Guild Awards are tonight! Finally, a chance to watch people in pretty dresses except awards for doing their jobs. It's like your company's holiday party with $3,000 gift bags. I love it!

I entered a pool on BuzzSugar to predict tonight's winners. The SAG Awards are a wild card because the actor's vote. So while Edie Falco may have only been okay in the last season of the Soprano's, she may get more votes out of sympathy and cumulative career points.

Here are my picks for tonight's TV categories. They're long shots, but if I get them right, I can win a year's worth of Netflix. (Because I need another excuse to watch TV on DVD.)

Male Actor In a Telefilm or Minseries
Kevin Kline, As You Like It

Female Actor In A Telefilm or Miniseries
Queen Latifah, Life Support

Actress In a Drama Series
Edie Falco, The Sopranos

Actor In a Drama Series
Michael C. Hall, Dexter

Actor In a Comedy Series
Ricky Gervais, Extras

Actress In a Comedy Series
Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Drama Ensemble
The Sopranos

Comedy Ensemble
30 Rock

If you want to see the nominees and check out who the people on BuzzSugar are picking, go here. The show starts at 8/7 C on TBS and TNT.

Edward Herrmann is The Man

I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight. I know, I know. I said I quit. And I did. But there was nothing on TV and I got sucked in on a one-liner. But truth be told, I was glad I watched. It's probably not for the reasons you think. 

I still hate Yang. I don't want to hear about Lexie Grey, and George is a fool for leaving a fox like Callie for an annoying bitch like Izzie. But I digress. 

I enjoyed tonight's episode because it featured a guest appearance by my favorite old-man actor, Edward Herrmann. On Grey's he plays the old-man intern Norman, who starts medical school after 30 years as a pharmacist. Herrmann is better known to our generation as Mr. Rich in the Richie Rich movie, and Grandpa Richard Gilmore on Gilmore Girls.

I was reminded of how much I enjoyed Herrmann's acting and comedic timing when I watched a recent episode of 30 Rock. His stint on Grey's only solidified my thoughts. He always gets stuck playing the uppity, know-it-all rich white guy, but he does it with a charm that makes The Man so much more tolerable. 

Kudos to you Ed. That's a feat very few people could manage. 

I Should Be In A Pitch...Or Maybe Not.

There's a new show on truTV (that's the old Court TV for the uninitiated) called Ocean Force: Huntington Beach. It's an actuality show that follows lifeguard working on Huntington Beach. Daring rescues, life and death situations, missing children...it's all happening in a half hour, and on the beach no less. I guess I miss all the action while I'm eating sandwiches and building sandcastles.

The show is pretty exciting...as far as lifeguarding shows go. In fact, it's only missing one thing; a catchy tagline.

When I saw the commercials for the show, I thought they'd at least use one of these. But shockingly, they went with: Real Lifeguards Saving Real Lives. don't want them to go to waste, so I thought I'd share them with you.

• Ocean Force: The Real Sea E.Os
• Ocean Force: The Biggest Board Room of them all (Get it? Surfboard? The Ocean? No?)
• Ocean Force: All in A Wave's Work (Okay, I don't even Like That One)

But I don't see you coming up with anything! Think of some good ones. If we get enough, we shold e-mail them to the show...or just compile the list on the blog.

Well I Can't Say I'm Surprised

Kristen Cavallari, the original hater on Laguna Beach, is having the tattoo of her ex-boyfriend's initials removed from her arm.

Reasons why this is not shocking:
1. She put the initials on her wrist.This is kind of an unattractive place unless you're a rock star, motorcycle enthusiast or a tatoo artist yourself.

2. She was dating this clown, Nick Zano. He may be attractive, but he looks like a douche and they could be brother and sister.

3. She'd only been dating the aforementioned douche for about a hot minute. Without a wedding ring and 25 years, there's no way you should get someone's intitals carved into your skin. Get a vanity plate next time.

4. Anyone that says " What happens in Cabo stays in Cabo" before they even turn 18 is probably going to make a mistake involving a tattoo.

I hope they cover this when Kristen joins the cast of The Hills...rumor of course.

Can We Talk About Moment Of Truth?

The game show everyone's talking about premiered tonight. Mark L. Wahlberg, (not to be confused with Marky Mark/Mark Wahlberg) was back in his element after taking a break from hsoting such gems as "Test The Nation 2" and "Joe Millionaire."

The contestants were skeezy, annoying, and cocky...and that was before they answered the questions. The first guy admitted to thinking he's the best looking guy out of his group of friends. The second admitted to stuffing his pants to look more endowed and looking through his co-worker's desk. Their significant others were there. I think the show makes them look worse than the men.

And the game play is frustrating to say the least. The contestants get asked 50 questions while hooked up to a polygraph. The producers pick 21 of those questions and ask them again in front of the audience and the camera. So none of it is a surprise to the person in the chair, yet 40% of the show is annoying hesitation and unnecessary delays. A game show that's an hour long is already taking itself too seriously. One that can't even get two contestants through the game is just BS.

So my final verdict? It's an interesting concept, but ultimately, I'd rather watch something with a little more skill and fewer obnoxious people. The worst part? The show comes on after Idol which means it's ratings will be exaggerated. We're not getting rid of this show...unless someone dies.

Casting All Crazies!

Want to break into reality TV? There are lots of opportunities out there and all of them crossed my desk in the past day. All five of you get to reap the benefits.

VH1 is casting young people to compete for the job of a life time...P. Diddy's personal assistant. What?? You saw how he treated his would-be talent when he made the Making The Band kids traverse New York to get him cheesecake. Imagine what his personal assistant will have to do? Those people are gluttons for punishment, scary go-getters, or fuckin' nuts.

This is so VH1. I guess they're also starting a show called Celebracadra. Guess what that's about.

My very favorite reality show of all time is coming back and casting as I write. There are open calls in Austin, Chicago, L.A., Nashville, NYC, and Philly. Or you can make a tape. I seriously might audition. I would have to be the Mole though. I just don't think I'm observant enough to compete.

But if none of those pique your interest, go ahead and apply for My Dad Is Better Than Your Dad. I wish I were kidding.

I want scripted TV back. Now.

Big Gig

Big Love star Chloe Sevigny (center) took a new job at U.K. Elle as Style Advisor. No one can say she didn't branch out during the Writers Strike.

No, she doesn't always dress like that. Take a peak at her cover.

I don't know a lot about Sevigny, but I never heard she was so into fashion.

I bet Bill Paxton moonlights as a tornado chaser. The storms are a part of him now.

We Shall Overcome...Or At Least Get Close

It's MLK Day! While most people, myself included, will spend today watching TV, staying warm, shopping, drinking or crying about the Packers (seriously why???), Martin Luther King Day should be a day on not a day off.

So if you're not volunteering in your community or single-handedly uplifting a people, at least take the time to learn a little Black history. Here's the TV version...abridged.

1928: The Amos 'n Andy radio show premieres. The show features white actors mocking voicing African-American characters for comedic value. The program is later turned into a TV show featuring Black actors. While it was one of the first shows with an all-Black cast, the show was still highly derogatory.

1956: Nat King Cole becomes the first African-American TV host.

1965: Bill Cosby stars in NBC's action-thriller I Spy. Cosby's the first African-American to have a leading role in a drama series.

1968: Diahann Carroll plays a widowed nurse in the breakout hit Julia. While the show featured a professional African-American woman, her boss and other figures of authority were still primarily White.

1971: Young people get an alternative to American Bandstand when Soul Train premieres.

1980: BET launches on January 25. A channel so innovative uplifting is now our source for Hell Date.

1989: Family Matters, a loose spin-off of Perfect Strangers, premiers. Not ground breaking, but Steve Urkel starts a trend of hilarious Black geeks, providing self confidence and kneeslapping idols for kids like me everywhere.

1990: Kenan Ivory Wayans and half of his family start In Living Color, a popular sketch comedy show. It launches the careers of Jim Carey, Damon Wayans and J-Lo. Kenan Ivory Wayans has yet to apologize for that last one.

1999: Eddie Murphy creates a claymation show about a Black family living in the projects called The PJs. It sets Black History back decades.

2005: Aaron McGruder's popular comic strip, The Boondocks, is turned into a TV show for Cartoon Network's late-night adult block of programming. One episode tackles what would have happened if MLK had lived. Like most of the episodes, it was very smart and hilarious but Al Sharpton got pissed. Not surprising.

More to come in February for Black History Month. Don't act like you're not excited.

Now Who Will Cut The Porkchops?

Allan Melvin, better knwon as Sam the Butcher on Brady Bunch, died Thursday. Melvin also played the role of Archie Bunker's bestie on All In The Family. In his latter years, he stuck to voiceover work. Melvin reached children everywhere as the voice of Bluto on Popeye and Magilla Gorilla. He had an incredibly long career and his contribution to the television industry is too significant to express...especially in this blog.

He was 84, but it seems so all of the sudden.

And its not just Melvin either. Suzanne Pleshette of the Bob Newhart Show passed away today. She was one classy dame, and a great comedian. 2008 has been such a sad year already where celebrity deaths are concerned.

People I'm worried about this year? Hugh Hefner and James Earl Jones. Stay strong fellas.

Get Out! (Aggressive Shove)

The story started simply enough.

Eli Manning loves Seinfeld.

Jay Zollar, General Manager of the Fox affiliate (WLUK) in Green Bay, said he is pulling the 5:30 PM re-run of Seinfeld from the air on Saturday so Eli will be out of his element for the NFC Championship. Not only that, but the station will air God, Family & The Green Bay Packers instead.

But Zollar didn't know what he was in for. Sony got wind of the debacle and is shipping the entire series and a DVD player to Manning. In a statement on the WLUK web site, Zollar now rests his hopes that Eli will be stay up all night watching Seinfeld and won't get any sleep. Even going as far as to quip, "No sleep for you."

This whole story would have been a lot funnier if Manning's favorite show was really embarassing. Something like Still Standing or One Tree Hill. Wishful thinking.

I Just Don't Get It: Eli Stone

In-between preposterous acts of Ugly Betty (seriously, poison perfume? What?) there have been several commercials for ABC's new show Eli Stone.

No matter how many times I see the commercial, I just don't understand what the show is about. Watch the promo and see for yourself.

Let me get this straight: He hears George Michael in his head and he changes his life? Is he a prophet? Does he speak to prophets? Will there always be singing and musical guests?

I'm left with more questions than a desire to watch, yet I'm intrigued. From what I can tell, the show is an amalgam of the following programs:

- Joan of Arcadia - Book of Daniel - Viva Laughlin (uh oh!) - Ed

3 out of 4 ain't bad. Eli Stone premieres on January 31st.

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

• The Golden Globes sucked. Worse than the lack of stars at the event? Billy Bush providing commentary. Attention douchebag: You are not a media critic. No one cares if you think Californication is "so cool."
  

• WGA President Patric Verrone had some insightful things to say about the strike to the Fox Business Network. The most interesting part? He wants the Oscars to go on as scheduled in February. You, me, and everyone else buddy but it's looking pretty grim. I guess my red carpet theme party is re-scheduled for '09. And I was going to make something in puff pastry. PUFF PASTRY!

• The Directors Guild of America is currently in talks of their own. The problem? They're more likely to sacrifice residuals from new media for larger payments up front. Since the DGA is negotiating first, their deal could impact the WGA and SAG. Read on at United Hollywood.
  

• In positive news, the WGA signed an agreement with Spyglass Entertainment. They make movies, but every agreement is a giant step forward. Kudos!
  

Re-Running Everything

I still don't have all of my channels. Not shocking.

Since I get channels 2-22 and for some reason 49 (Thank heavens for ABC Family!) I've been watching a lot of broadcast channels. What happens on broadcast channels after primetime? A whole lot of syndicated television.

Today I watched Scrubs, Friends, The Simpsons and My Wife & Kids. I've decided Scrubs makes my very short list of shows where the re-runs don't get old. I can watch the same episode twice in a week, hell even a day, and still enjoy it. Others on the list?

• Fresh Prince
• Gilmore Girls
• America's Next Top Model
  

Not every show can pull this off. Not even close. Why do you think they no longer show re-runs of Lost? And while it wasn't too funny the first time, That 70's Show really sucks the second or third.

I wish some of my favorites would have more episodes so they could replace the crap currently in heavy rotation in syndication. I ask you one more time; who is watching Two And A Half Men? Enough!

Soon She'll OWN You Too

Oprah is getting her own Oprah themed network. I wish I were joking.

The Oprah Winfrey Network, menacingly dubbed OWN, is coming to your TV (probably wrapped in a cashmere throw) in 2009. OWN will replace the Discovery Health Channel, which is currently available in over 65 Million homes.

Oprah gets full control of the content and creative direction of OWN and plans to focus on financial issues, spirituality, relationships and wellness. Essentially it's the magazine...but in HD!

The channel probably won't be any worse than most of the tripe on TV. And Oprah doesn't lend her name to bad stuff; for the most part. I'm reluctantly optimistic.

I bet she swims in a pool of coins like Scrooge McDuck.

American Idol Bingo!

American Idol premieres tonight and while I love the show, the audition episodes can get draining. To keep the fun going, I made an Idol Bingo board (click to enlarge) that you can use while you watch tonight.

My friend Amber also had the handy idea of turning this into a drinking game. Because most of these things are sure to happen, that would be an excellent way to spice up an otherwise boring telecast.

Happy Viewing!

I Hate My Cable Company

It's not shocking really. Most people have a love/hate relationship with their cable provider. It could be the long wait times on the phone or the inaudible people they have working once the person picks up. It might be the cable technicians who show up late, never or on the wrong day. Some people even hate them for their exorbitant price gouging with few additional services.

Why do I hate them? Take your pick. Yesterday I needed to have digital cable put into my apartment. As a TV blogger, this is kind of a big deal. I had it done in the morning so I could still check out all of my good stuff at night. No such luck. They messed up the box and I was missing 50 channels. I'm not a pharaoh, I can't afford to pay for all 900 channels. I pay for 74. So when 50 are missing, again, it's kind of a big deal.

I call the company, they ping the box, I wait, I unplug the box. Nothing. I call back. They make me do it again. They give me the worst appointment time ever for them to come back and fix it. They make me sit on hold. I've been in a relationship with Charter for less than 24 hours and already they've kept me waiting for assorted reasons for 91 minutes. That's a pretty big chunk of the day, not to mention an awful first impression.

The head of the FCC, Kevin Martin, is making it his personal mission to break up some of these cable monopolies and make cable service more affordable and a better service for everyone. It's a shame he can't make this his number one priority, as he's too busy sifting through hundreds of thousands of indecency complaints and media conglomerate messes.

I just hope something happens soon, because if I have to sit and listen to Charter telephone ads for one more minute, I may do something I regret.

Some Thoughts Post-Terminator

Below are notes I made while watching  Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. 

• Why do Sarah (Lena Headey) and her son John (Thomas Dekker) look more like brother and sister? Could they find someone more age appropriate? When John, Sarah and Cameron (Summer Glau) show up naked in 2007. John ogles his mother a little too long. Creepy doesn't begin to describe it. 

• Lena Headey seems incredibly one-dimensional, almost lifeless in this show. I understand that she's at the end of her rope, but it's just too much. She has so much range and it would have been nice to see it. She shined in Imagine Me And You. Let's hope she is allowed to stretch a little on Terminator. 

• Sarah's boyfriend is a dead ringer for Dennis, (Dean Winter) Liz Lemon's slouchy ex from 30 Rock. 

• If a shooter with a robot leg came into a high school and shot it up, wouldn't more people care to look for him? No one has a CNN chopper on this guy? It's supposed to be 1999. With Columbine still fresh, I feel like that would be quite the news story.

Just a few things. Despite some of the ridiculousness, lazy acting and general impossibilities, the show is kind of cool. It's at least as good as the shitty seasons of 24, if not better. The two-night premiere continues tomorrow. If you missed it tonight, seriously consider watching it tomorrow. 

Not So Golden Globes

Things People Care About More Than The Golden Globes This Year:

• What's for dinner
• American Gladiators
• The SAG Awards
• Their children
• Global Warming

The last two may be a stretch, but you get my point. The Golden Globes are going to be truly lackluster this year. No red carpet. No drunk celebrities. No worst dressed list or awkward acceptance speeches. 

So I guess I'll try to turn lemons into lemonade:

One light at the end of the tunnel?  Kathy Griffin is helping out Matt Lauer with pre-show commentary. She was fired from E! a few years ago for being too abrasive. Too bad she was the best thing to happen to them since Seacrest started working 8 shows. It will be fun to watch Matt Lauer turn red at some of her quips. 

Other good news? The show won't be so long. An hour long press conference means less bull. No in memoriam, no stiff accountants, no unintelligible comments from the HFPA. Just the winners. I'll miss the fancy clothes but I won't be stuck in front of the TV all night...unless I want to be. 

American Idol Spawns More Trouble

Oh hell no!

American Idol returns to the airwaves next week but the show has been having the worst PR in the past few weeks. Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks and Katherine McPhee were dropped from their respective recording labels. Ouch! I guess the Soul Patrol gave up when they discovered Taylor Hicks was a poor man's Michael McDonald. 

If that wasn't enough, last season's favorite, Sanjaya, is in talks to star in his own variety show alongside his sister Shyamali. You may remember her from the auditions, she was the cuter, more talented Malakar. But you can be the judge of that. 

If this show and Sanjaya's upcoming album come to fruition I am giving up on humanity. I don't care what the tween girls think, you still suck Sanjaya. 

Make Me A Supermodel Premeires Tonight

Is anyone going to watch this show? It has a few things going for it:

• Top Model isn't on
• Male models. Why hasn't anyone else figured this out? It seems simple enough that girls who love modeling shows get sick of looking at skinny bitches season after season. Now we get to look at muscley douchebags too! See Frankie above.
  
• Tyson Beckford is hosting? Someone at Bravo put on their thinking cap that day.
  
• Viewers get to vote on who stays and who goes. Unfair to the talent but the annoying people won't stick around for most of the season like on some shows.
  
• There's just not much else on.
  

If American Gladiators can be a sleeper hit, then I don't see why this can't be at least okay. I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and watch it. I could live to regret this.

Stars (Almost) Behind Bars: The Little People Big Trouble Edition

Thank DListed for this gem:

Matt Roloff was acquitted of drunk driving today.

He said the adjustments on his wife's pedal extensions caused him to swerve. The man can drive a tractor, a bobcat, and other giant farm and stone equipment but a little change to the pedal extension and he can't operate a minivan anymore?

Suspect.

Either way, he's off the hook.

I can't wait to see how TLC edits this to make it look like the most dramatic and harrowing court case of all time. Move over To Kill A Mockingbird.

The Baby Borrowers: Like Teen Nation

NBC's new show, The Baby Borrowers, looks like the perfect substitute for Kid Nation. This video describes the whole show in detail, but if you don't have 5 minutes you can read my not-so-succinct synopsis below.

The show takes four or five high school couples who are interested in eventually having children, then random people loan out their babies for three days to see if the teens can handle it. Of course they can't and if that were the whole show it would suck. Luckily for us, the fun keeps going. The teenagers have to get jobs and run their own home. After three days of babies, the couples get toddlers, then elementary school kids and so on. Eventually they get pets and old people to take care of. I'm sure all of them will end up crying, throwing up or putting a t-shirt on the baby instead of a diaper ala Full House.

Hopefully it will keep some idiot 15-year-old from punching holes in her condoms to save her five month relationship. Attention girls: He's a teenager so he's into your lady parts, beer and bumper pool. Just wait it out.

The show premieres on February 18.

Something To Look Forward To

My prayers have been answered. The Mole is coming back to American television. Not even Celebrity Mole, real, civilian, Mole.

The show is casting right now and shoots in the spring for a summer debut. This time around, the show has a "simpler format," which makes me wonder how they will adapt the show to encourage new viewers but keep the old fans. Maybe that quiz at the end of the show won't be so hard.

Supposedly this has nothing to do with the Writers Strike, but I'm not buying it. Either way, one of my favorite shows of all time is returning to the airwaves.

Next push? Arrested Development.

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

In Florida last week. Two signs the strike is working. Two signs it needs to end immediately.

• The Golden Globes are canceled. After NBC insisted they would go on without writers, nominees or presenters they finally heard themselves talk and canceled the telecast. Instead, the winners will be announced at a press conference that is not set to last more than an hour.
  

• Tom Cruise's company United Artists is the first large studio to sign an independent agreement with the WGA. This deal is the first thing he got right since Cocktail.
  

• Jimmy Kimmel and Jay Leno are having each other as guests on their respective shows on Thursday. The fire and brimstone are set for Friday after lunch.
  

• American Gladiators had the highest ratings for any new show on NBC this season. Again, the hellfires should roll in after lunch, around one, twoish tops.
  

My Dream Vacation: 2008 CES

My parents welcomed home two DVRs today and they're like the helpful little brothers I always wanted. Granted, I will need to commit several hours in training and complaining before my mother will fully understand just why or how her DVR is different than a VCR. It will be worth it when I never miss another thing at mom and dad's because of the dog picking an inopportune time to bark.

Sidenote: That was a long sentence. It's late. I can't think of how to fix it.

Anyway, with the DVRs in the house (I named them Doug and Cesssy) you'd think they're all caught up. What's left to do before they span the digital divide? Look no further than the 2008 International Consumer Electronics Show.

Everything new in the world of gaming, wireless, car technology and home theater/video is premiered at the CES in Las Vegas. It's like a car show, but for even bigger geeks. The stuff that is shaping the way we watch and experience TV now was showcased years ago. Every CES is like a glimpse into the future, only with fewer aliens and Blu-Ray discs are really popular.

The show started today and runs until January 10. For information on all of the cool stuff, peruse the CES website for daily updates. There's enough there to keep my parents in the dark for years to come.

Stars Behind Bars: The "Haven't They Been Through Enough" Edition

He's out on $11,000 bail but Tim "Youngblood" Chapman, the ponytailed, skinny BFF of Dog The Bounty Hunter was arrested on Thursday. This story is for the ages...or the Enquirer.

Apparently Chapman was sitting in the cab of his pick-up truck with his pants down. The truck was parked outside a local shopping center and concerned citizens called the police because they thought he was fondling himself in public. When the cops showed up, Chapman went apeshit! Instead of getting out the car like they demanded, he slid into the driver's seat, hit the gas, jumped the curb and almost hit a security guard.

Chapman was originally arrested with suspicion of second-degree attempted murder. But according to the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, he now faces a charge of first-degree terroristic threatening and the prosecuters may add indecent exposure.

The best part? Chapman says he wasn't jerking off at all, he had just spilled juice on his pants. That's rich.

All I can do is laugh and smile at just how fast that family fell apart. Sorry Dog. It's just not your day, your life even.

Losing Out On Viewers: Or Why I Hate TV Online

Last night I discovered that I hadn't made quite as large a dent into Lost as I previously thought. I assumed I had about six episodes left but in reality it's closer to 16. With less than a month until the premiere, I decided to watch one online last night.

To my surprise, ABC.com has the entire third season available on their site and with " imited commercial interruption" no less. What a nice gesture right? Too bad I can't make it through 45 seconds of the show without it skipping and getting blurry, or the color going out, or the picture not matching up with the voices. The commercials seem to come in okay (shocking!) but I have to suffer in silence over the poor quality of the episode.

I thought it was an ABC problem, but I tried to watch an episode of 30 Rock online as a test and I had an even harder time. I had a frozen picture of Liz Lemon on my screen for about 6 minutes before I gave up.

It doesn't make sense. I have a pretty new computer and I'm using a fast internet connection. Can't a girl just watch pretty people whine about the elements in peace? Or do they intentionally fuck with me so I give up and get the DVD?

Now they've really lost me.

My BGTVW: Because There Just Aren't Enough Acronyms

I read a newspaper article about a new gay bar opening up in town with the unforunate name, Plan B. I laughed out loud. There are several bar names that don't make homosexuality sound like a lesser orientation or option, but Plan B somehow won that coin toss. After a good chuckle, and a few head shakes. I decided it would be a nice time to have another Big Gay TV Weekend. Here's what's on the docket:

• I recorded Miss America: Reality Check and How to Look Good Naked. The shows are hosted by some of my favorite fellas; Michael Urie and Carson Kressley. I am halfway through Miss America and it is going quite well. Not as funny as Crowned, but oddly enough the girls are more compelling. They have issues, they hunt, they hate pre-marital sex, they have big hair, the list goes on. Who knew?

• In the spirit of my love of prison documentaries, I watched a drama on Logo called Bad Girls about life in Larkhall Womens Prison Facility. I'm not a huge fan of British TV, but this one of the best dramatic imports I've seen in a long time.
  

• I am devoting a few hours tomorrow to my favorite episodes of Six Feet Under which revolve around David & Keith's relationship. They're on-again-off-again status was what kept that show moving for me. Probably because Brenda was so crazy.
  

• Tomorrow is the season premiere of The L Word. Woohoo! If you don't have the iron-like willpower that I possess, you can watch the full episode online right now on OurChart.
  

It's going to be a long weekend, but this is the stuff that winter break is made of. Plus I need to get all of the fun out of my system now before I hunker down for my Lost marathon.

1 Night 2 Parties: Still Kind Of Lame

They're going to be like...the coolest debates ever, like for sure! OMG Guys!

Tonight, ABC is hosting back-to back presidential debates in primetime. If that's not enough of a reason to clear your calendars, guess who the debate is sponsored by? Facebook. Everyone's favorite social networking site is presenting tonight's showdown with the GOP going on at a little after 6 and the Dems at 7:45ish.

ABC had strict rules to get into the debate, mainly that the candidate still had to be a viable contender. Dennis Kucinich didn't make the cut and he is pissed, even going as far as to file a complaint with the FCC. He's probably just mad because he has to go back to making cookies in that hollowed out tree.

No one watches TV on Saturday nights but me and every other single loner on the planet, this debate will probably not change that but ABC is trying its darndest. Next time, instead of showing the debate, may I suggest they show High School Musical. That seemed to work out well.

edubTV Readers Assemble!

edubTV readers: I need all five of you to listen up!

It's 2008 and along with my personal resolutions (watch out Water Aerobics class, I'm making my splash again) and TV resolutions, I am also making a resolution or too for this blog.

You can blame this idea on the blogging book I got for Christmas. Yes, I can hear it too, the nerd alert is sounding loud and clear. But regardless, I want to do the following things:

• Buy the domain (don't buy it out from under me because I'll freak out and cry)
• Find or design a sweet layout (red is awesome, but we all deserve something more pleasing to look at)
• And add a weekly, or bi-weekly podcast

This is where all of you come in. What do want this podcast to be about? It can be show specific: American Idol, Lost, etc. Or genre specific: What's new in reality, My weekly rant on why I hate CSI, etc. Or even more general than that: General updates, writers strike news, etc.

I am just excited to use some of the new technology out there, so the content is just an added bonus. If you could leave a comment, talk to me in person, find me on Facebook or give me a call with any ideas that would be awesome.

But What Will Become of Local On The 8s?

The Weather Channel is up for sale, at an auction no less. According to the New York Times, the network may for $5 Billion and is being looked at by the likes of NBC and Comcast.

How much would I pay for The Weather Channel? A whole lot of nothing. Whenever I put it on, it is a commercial and usually for something awkward like Cialis, AARP or The Scooter Store. If they really want to cater to old people, they'd show things like this:



Attention Weather Channel: I am not 75, I just want to know whether it's cold enough to warrant a long-sleeve tee.

It's no wonder you're going under. Sheesh.

Huck and Leno Are Probably Besties Now

Mike Huckabee is the projected Republican winner in the Iowa caucuses tonight. I would like to think his victory is due to Chuck Norris, his strapping Tudors-inspired haircut (above) and his appearance on Leno last night.

It was the first night back for late-night talk show hosts and while Letterman boasted funny man Robin Williams, Leno came out strong with Huckabee. According to the early ratings, Leno took the numbers last night.

So who helped who more? Did his appearance on Leno help Huck to the top or vice-versa?

And more importantly: I watched CNN's coverage of the caucuses tonight and more impressive than Wolf Blitzer's blinding metallic tie was Anderson Cooper's pie chart board. He held up what looked like a piece of cardboard and a hologram of a pie chart appeared on it. Then, instead of listening to the political commentators, all I could do was watch Anderson fiddle with the board, making the graph smaller and bigger. He was like a kid with a bubble wand. It was mesmerizing.

And kudos to Barack Obama for winning the caucus for the Dems. Way to Barack The Vote Iowa!

Star Treking Into New Territory

I've never watched Star Trek before. I have a hard time suspending belief and the make-up kind of weirds me out. Plus, I am a big enough nerd and I don't really need to solidify my place in the bottom rung of the popularity ladder.

But I took a 6-hour nap this evening and woke-up in the middle of the night. The house was dark and the only thing illuminating the family room was the TV and the bumpy face of some sort of creature. But because I was still out of it and couldn't find the remote, I decided I would give Star Trek Voyager the fair shake it deserved. It's a new me in 2008.

In this episode, Repentance, the people I can only assume are the good guys, are transporting prisoners so they can be executed. Only, and you'll never believe this, some of the good guys think that capital punishment is wrong. Then, one of the bad guys reads of statistics about how a certain race of aliens are filling up the jails. The good guy posits that maybe they commit more crimes. The bad guy says something about the system not being fair.

This is essentially an issue episode about the criminal justice system, racial profiling and capital punishment. It's a lot to get into one episode and frankly, I don't think they pulled it off. The worst part? People are probably watching this show, or even obsessing over this show, and not getting the metaphor. I applaud them for trying, but if you're not going to do any of the issues justice, just keep your mouth shut. Stick to waxing enthusiastic about intergalactic fighting and skin bump maintenance.

Oh, and did I mention that the prisoners were multi-colored and deformed while the non-prisoners had finely ironed uniforms and the whitest skin I'd seen since Powder? I'm calling Al Sharpton.