American Idol Bingo!

American Idol premieres tonight and while I love the show, the audition episodes can get draining. To keep the fun going, I made an Idol Bingo board (click to enlarge) that you can use while you watch tonight.

My friend Amber also had the handy idea of turning this into a drinking game. Because most of these things are sure to happen, that would be an excellent way to spice up an otherwise boring telecast.

Happy Viewing!

I Hate My Cable Company

It's not shocking really. Most people have a love/hate relationship with their cable provider. It could be the long wait times on the phone or the inaudible people they have working once the person picks up. It might be the cable technicians who show up late, never or on the wrong day. Some people even hate them for their exorbitant price gouging with few additional services.

Why do I hate them? Take your pick. Yesterday I needed to have digital cable put into my apartment. As a TV blogger, this is kind of a big deal. I had it done in the morning so I could still check out all of my good stuff at night. No such luck. They messed up the box and I was missing 50 channels. I'm not a pharaoh, I can't afford to pay for all 900 channels. I pay for 74. So when 50 are missing, again, it's kind of a big deal.

I call the company, they ping the box, I wait, I unplug the box. Nothing. I call back. They make me do it again. They give me the worst appointment time ever for them to come back and fix it. They make me sit on hold. I've been in a relationship with Charter for less than 24 hours and already they've kept me waiting for assorted reasons for 91 minutes. That's a pretty big chunk of the day, not to mention an awful first impression.

The head of the FCC, Kevin Martin, is making it his personal mission to break up some of these cable monopolies and make cable service more affordable and a better service for everyone. It's a shame he can't make this his number one priority, as he's too busy sifting through hundreds of thousands of indecency complaints and media conglomerate messes.

I just hope something happens soon, because if I have to sit and listen to Charter telephone ads for one more minute, I may do something I regret.

Some Thoughts Post-Terminator

Below are notes I made while watching  Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles. 

• Why do Sarah (Lena Headey) and her son John (Thomas Dekker) look more like brother and sister? Could they find someone more age appropriate? When John, Sarah and Cameron (Summer Glau) show up naked in 2007. John ogles his mother a little too long. Creepy doesn't begin to describe it. 

• Lena Headey seems incredibly one-dimensional, almost lifeless in this show. I understand that she's at the end of her rope, but it's just too much. She has so much range and it would have been nice to see it. She shined in Imagine Me And You. Let's hope she is allowed to stretch a little on Terminator. 

• Sarah's boyfriend is a dead ringer for Dennis, (Dean Winter) Liz Lemon's slouchy ex from 30 Rock. 

• If a shooter with a robot leg came into a high school and shot it up, wouldn't more people care to look for him? No one has a CNN chopper on this guy? It's supposed to be 1999. With Columbine still fresh, I feel like that would be quite the news story.

Just a few things. Despite some of the ridiculousness, lazy acting and general impossibilities, the show is kind of cool. It's at least as good as the shitty seasons of 24, if not better. The two-night premiere continues tomorrow. If you missed it tonight, seriously consider watching it tomorrow. 

Not So Golden Globes

Things People Care About More Than The Golden Globes This Year:

• What's for dinner
• American Gladiators
• The SAG Awards
• Their children
• Global Warming

The last two may be a stretch, but you get my point. The Golden Globes are going to be truly lackluster this year. No red carpet. No drunk celebrities. No worst dressed list or awkward acceptance speeches. 

So I guess I'll try to turn lemons into lemonade:

One light at the end of the tunnel?  Kathy Griffin is helping out Matt Lauer with pre-show commentary. She was fired from E! a few years ago for being too abrasive. Too bad she was the best thing to happen to them since Seacrest started working 8 shows. It will be fun to watch Matt Lauer turn red at some of her quips. 

Other good news? The show won't be so long. An hour long press conference means less bull. No in memoriam, no stiff accountants, no unintelligible comments from the HFPA. Just the winners. I'll miss the fancy clothes but I won't be stuck in front of the TV all night...unless I want to be. 

American Idol Spawns More Trouble

Oh hell no!

American Idol returns to the airwaves next week but the show has been having the worst PR in the past few weeks. Ruben Studdard, Taylor Hicks and Katherine McPhee were dropped from their respective recording labels. Ouch! I guess the Soul Patrol gave up when they discovered Taylor Hicks was a poor man's Michael McDonald. 

If that wasn't enough, last season's favorite, Sanjaya, is in talks to star in his own variety show alongside his sister Shyamali. You may remember her from the auditions, she was the cuter, more talented Malakar. But you can be the judge of that. 

If this show and Sanjaya's upcoming album come to fruition I am giving up on humanity. I don't care what the tween girls think, you still suck Sanjaya. 

Make Me A Supermodel Premeires Tonight

Is anyone going to watch this show? It has a few things going for it:

• Top Model isn't on
• Male models. Why hasn't anyone else figured this out? It seems simple enough that girls who love modeling shows get sick of looking at skinny bitches season after season. Now we get to look at muscley douchebags too! See Frankie above.
  
• Tyson Beckford is hosting? Someone at Bravo put on their thinking cap that day.
  
• Viewers get to vote on who stays and who goes. Unfair to the talent but the annoying people won't stick around for most of the season like on some shows.
  
• There's just not much else on.
  

If American Gladiators can be a sleeper hit, then I don't see why this can't be at least okay. I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and watch it. I could live to regret this.

Stars (Almost) Behind Bars: The Little People Big Trouble Edition

Thank DListed for this gem:

Matt Roloff was acquitted of drunk driving today.

He said the adjustments on his wife's pedal extensions caused him to swerve. The man can drive a tractor, a bobcat, and other giant farm and stone equipment but a little change to the pedal extension and he can't operate a minivan anymore?

Suspect.

Either way, he's off the hook.

I can't wait to see how TLC edits this to make it look like the most dramatic and harrowing court case of all time. Move over To Kill A Mockingbird.

The Baby Borrowers: Like Teen Nation

NBC's new show, The Baby Borrowers, looks like the perfect substitute for Kid Nation. This video describes the whole show in detail, but if you don't have 5 minutes you can read my not-so-succinct synopsis below.

The show takes four or five high school couples who are interested in eventually having children, then random people loan out their babies for three days to see if the teens can handle it. Of course they can't and if that were the whole show it would suck. Luckily for us, the fun keeps going. The teenagers have to get jobs and run their own home. After three days of babies, the couples get toddlers, then elementary school kids and so on. Eventually they get pets and old people to take care of. I'm sure all of them will end up crying, throwing up or putting a t-shirt on the baby instead of a diaper ala Full House.

Hopefully it will keep some idiot 15-year-old from punching holes in her condoms to save her five month relationship. Attention girls: He's a teenager so he's into your lady parts, beer and bumper pool. Just wait it out.

The show premieres on February 18.

Something To Look Forward To

My prayers have been answered. The Mole is coming back to American television. Not even Celebrity Mole, real, civilian, Mole.

The show is casting right now and shoots in the spring for a summer debut. This time around, the show has a "simpler format," which makes me wonder how they will adapt the show to encourage new viewers but keep the old fans. Maybe that quiz at the end of the show won't be so hard.

Supposedly this has nothing to do with the Writers Strike, but I'm not buying it. Either way, one of my favorite shows of all time is returning to the airwaves.

Next push? Arrested Development.

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

In Florida last week. Two signs the strike is working. Two signs it needs to end immediately.

• The Golden Globes are canceled. After NBC insisted they would go on without writers, nominees or presenters they finally heard themselves talk and canceled the telecast. Instead, the winners will be announced at a press conference that is not set to last more than an hour.
  

• Tom Cruise's company United Artists is the first large studio to sign an independent agreement with the WGA. This deal is the first thing he got right since Cocktail.
  

• Jimmy Kimmel and Jay Leno are having each other as guests on their respective shows on Thursday. The fire and brimstone are set for Friday after lunch.
  

• American Gladiators had the highest ratings for any new show on NBC this season. Again, the hellfires should roll in after lunch, around one, twoish tops.
  

My Dream Vacation: 2008 CES

My parents welcomed home two DVRs today and they're like the helpful little brothers I always wanted. Granted, I will need to commit several hours in training and complaining before my mother will fully understand just why or how her DVR is different than a VCR. It will be worth it when I never miss another thing at mom and dad's because of the dog picking an inopportune time to bark.

Sidenote: That was a long sentence. It's late. I can't think of how to fix it.

Anyway, with the DVRs in the house (I named them Doug and Cesssy) you'd think they're all caught up. What's left to do before they span the digital divide? Look no further than the 2008 International Consumer Electronics Show.

Everything new in the world of gaming, wireless, car technology and home theater/video is premiered at the CES in Las Vegas. It's like a car show, but for even bigger geeks. The stuff that is shaping the way we watch and experience TV now was showcased years ago. Every CES is like a glimpse into the future, only with fewer aliens and Blu-Ray discs are really popular.

The show started today and runs until January 10. For information on all of the cool stuff, peruse the CES website for daily updates. There's enough there to keep my parents in the dark for years to come.

Stars Behind Bars: The "Haven't They Been Through Enough" Edition

He's out on $11,000 bail but Tim "Youngblood" Chapman, the ponytailed, skinny BFF of Dog The Bounty Hunter was arrested on Thursday. This story is for the ages...or the Enquirer.

Apparently Chapman was sitting in the cab of his pick-up truck with his pants down. The truck was parked outside a local shopping center and concerned citizens called the police because they thought he was fondling himself in public. When the cops showed up, Chapman went apeshit! Instead of getting out the car like they demanded, he slid into the driver's seat, hit the gas, jumped the curb and almost hit a security guard.

Chapman was originally arrested with suspicion of second-degree attempted murder. But according to the Honolulu Star-Bulletin, he now faces a charge of first-degree terroristic threatening and the prosecuters may add indecent exposure.

The best part? Chapman says he wasn't jerking off at all, he had just spilled juice on his pants. That's rich.

All I can do is laugh and smile at just how fast that family fell apart. Sorry Dog. It's just not your day, your life even.