Please Let Art Imitate Life!

Take a look at this picture. This was in today's Wisconsin State Journal. Yes, in between two lakes, the city managed to fit a capital, a college, some businesses and a few dozen prostitutes. The story was pretty interesting and shed some light on how the city is handling the problem...YARD SIGNS!

Why isn't this a TV show? F the writers. You can't make this stuff up. This is straight out of an episode of Picket Fences. I've been laughing at it all day. Imagine if it were a weekly half-hour? I'm already rolling with ideas. Get in on the ground floor.

Serenity Now! It's #100!

It's the 100th post. I'm a sucker for numbers. I consulted the other half for how to celebrate.

" Haha ok. Um how about 10 top lines in TV ever."

She presents a pretty tall order. I'm not old enough to remember nor appreciate some of the best lines this medium has to offer. TV Land took care of compiling the 100 Greatest Catchphrases of all time. However, they're old. Most of the characters mentioned were probably taped up in my mother's locker in high school. My list will be a little different. More current, not as classic, and will smell less like prunes and Ovaltine.

My Top Ten isn't made up of the Greatest Lines of All Time, just my favorites of the last two decades.

1. "I couldn't help but wonder..." (Carrie, Sex & The City)
2. "That's what she said." (Michael, The Office)
3. "We were on a break!" (Ross, Friends)
4. "Woah" (Joey, Blossom)
5. "Make it work." (Tim Gunn, Project Runway)
6. "Not that there's anything wrong with that." (Seinfeld)
7. "I've made a huge mistake." (Gob, Arrested Development)
8. "Whaaaaaaats Up?" (Martin, Martin)
9. "Upload the schematics to my PDA." (Jack Bauer, 24)
10."Homey Don't Play Dat!" (Homey Da Clown, In Living Color)

Who Likes Padma That Much?

On my way into work this morning a car in front of me had a vanity plate that said:

TOPCHEF

Now this can mean a number of things.

• Either Harold, Ilan or Hung had taken residence in Nashville
• The best chefs on the show, Sam and Trey, decided to have a personal victory and get a personalized plate
  
• There was a super-fan in my midst

I bobbed and weaved to get closer and inspect the bumper stickers. They had some from the Young Chefs Academy and one for a local mayoral candidate. My guess is they're just a moderately creative chef.

But the whole thing got me to thinking. What shows do I love enough to permanently stick to the back of my car. I have a vanity plate and deciding what to pick was difficult because you know people are constantly trying to judge you/ decipher it from behind.

I think my only options would be odes to 24 and The Office.

CTU
DUNDIES

Because honestly, is there anything else on TV worth getting rear ended for?

Show I'm Going To Miss The Most...

if the Writers Strike doesn't end soon:

30 Rock.

Tonight's episode made that pretty much official. There's nothing I enjoy more than shows about awkward women dating hot guys, studio heads running baseball teams, allusions to the Iraq war, and Vili Fualaau jokes. I usually don't watch 30 Rock on its first-run because I'm a converted Ugly Betty fan. But thanks to a re-run, I got reacquainted with all of my favorites.

Frank (Judah Friedlander) was exceptionally "on" tonight. I don't usually find his character too funny, but his challenge to traditional sex roles was hilarious. Why can't two straight dudes enjoy each other's bodies? Quote of the night.

Cross your fingers these deals are working. The WGA comes back to the table next week. In a perfect world, 30 Rock wouldn't be interrupted. I'm just hoping the void doesn't last too long.

Hump Day Updates

• Kathy Griffin has a new stand-up special on Bravo tomorrow. I saw her perform here in Nashville a few months ago and it was the best night I've had here. If her new show Straight to Hell,is half as good, then I will probably pee my pants from laughing...twice. Plus, she'll probably talk about Jesus-Gate!
  

• Diane Sawyer interviewed the Dilleys on Good Morning America today. Remember them? They're America's first surviving set of sextuplets or sixlets...not to be confused with the delicious chocolate candy. The Dilleys are 14 now and they have shaggy hair. My gaydar was totally off though. The little boy who loved Pocahontas, and ballroom dancing competitions is now a little more straight-laced so to speak. There's always college.
  

• The Sci-Fi Channel is putting a new spin on the Wizard of Oz with their mini-series Tin Man. It kind of plays on the dark and morbid aspects of the original, plus it's a bit futuristic. For example, OZ is an acronym now for Outer Zone. Trippy huh? If that isn't enough it stars Zooey Deschanel (Elf, All The Real Girls) and Alan Cumming, two of my favorites. Tin Man starts on Sunday.
  

High School Musical: Third Times The Charm

High School Musical 3 is ditching the small screen and being released as a full-length feature next year.

Zac Efron, (who has shinier hair than 90% of the girls I know), is reportedly earning 3Million for this one. 3 Mil? And that's just on the front end. If this thing does well (and there's no doubt it will) then this kid could be one lucky/wealthy dude.

Supposedly the plot of HSM3 revolves around the senior prom. Uh Oh! We all know what happens at the prom. Maybe Vanessa Hudgens, was just doing some method acting for her scenes.

Too soon for that one?

Tough Questions For The Candidates

Someone finally asked the Presidential candidates the tough questions...TV Guide.

They surveyed the hopefuls to see what they're watching and what their favorites are. The article hits newsstands on Thursday but thanks to the Drudge Report you can see it now.

My favorite response? John McCain! The old coot picked Prison Break. The Hanoi Hilton is his 9/11. Like Giuliani, he mentions it at every opportunity. It's almost adorable that he managed to work it in here.

And in a relatively shocking selection, Hillary Clinton mentioned home makeover shows, Grey's, and Dancing With The Stars among others. Frankly, I don't see it. Could this be a strategic move to constantly attract the lady vote? I would have taken her for a 30 Rock or Mythbusters fan. Something with less drama, more cut and dry.

You know who they didn't mention? Mike Gravel. I bet he'd pick Survivorman, then spend half an hour telling you how he could've done it better.

News You Can Use

NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams is presenting a week-long special on Black Women. The series (creatively titled) "African - American Women: Where They Stand," started yesterday and runs through Friday on the air and through Saturday online.

The installments cover:

• Education
  
• Friendships
  
• Heart Disease
• Interracial Relationships
• The Election

I caught tonight's installment on breast cancer. It was brief but covered a lot of stuff I never knew. And the information isn't just pertinent to women of color. There is a lot to be learned on womens health and societal issues. NBC is also keeping it interactive with additional features only available online.

An Open Letter To The Hip-Hop Community

Dear Rappers, Moguls, Singers, Back-Up Dancers, Posse Members and Mr. West,

Your music may be popular. Your clothes may premiere at fashion shows and boutiques around the world. You may even have a music video that cuts through the clutter on MTV and gets airplay. However, there is one fragment of media and pop culture that you need to stay away from: family reality shows.

MTV did it with Run's House. Then Coolio decided to get in on the act with the horrible at best show Coolio & The Gang. Now Snoop Dogg is staking his claim with Dogg Father, on E!

I get it, I really do. You re-brand yourself as a chill, laid-back family man. You have a few laughs, console a few children and you open yourself up to an entire new demographic. But this is more than we can bear. These programs make you look oafish and they come off as contrived and insincere.

Plus, it's kind of a red flag that your music career is slipping. Think of one musician whose reality show has lead to better music. Nick Lachey? Nope. Ashley Parker Angel? Who? Ozzy Osbourne? Half-dead.

Coolio & Rev Run may be done for, but you've got a new album to consider Snoop. For the sake of your work, your family and your fans, just say no. It may not have worked with the pot, but this far more detrimental.

And to the rest of you: dinkin flicka!

Shows I Wish I Cared About

Sometime's it's lonely at the ground floor. I just didn't think certain shows would last, so I let them go on without me. Now everyone is tuning in and I'm stuck with re-runs of Fresh Prince. Here are a few that I'm thinking of this morning:

• Dancing With The Stars - Z-List celebrities cha-cha their way to back to relevancy. I should have believed the commercials. They told me it was a hit show all around the world. You know what else was a hit all around the world? Communism. That didn't last too long. Who knew people loved this stuff?


• CSI & all of its ideations - I watched a few episodes of CSI, but once it split off into Miami, I thought it was done for. Pish-posh! The show took off like a motorboat filled with cocaine. Now Jessie Spano is showing up as Horatio's ex-wife. Just don't call her a chick!


• The newest version of Battlestar Galactica: Shocking, I know. But I hear it's one of the best shows on television. Caprica? Thirteenth Colony? It's all Cylon to me. Plus Dwight Shrute is a fan and he knows fun.


• The Tudors - Sex, killing, accents, old-timey clothes. What's not to like? I may try to catch up with this one on On Demand. Plus, I feel like Jonathan Rhys Meyers has something to prove after August Rush. Make it reign dude!

Writers Strike: Weekly Update

• Writers and friends resumed picketing today after a short break for Thanksgiving.
  
• The WGA and the studios are formally meeting today for the first time since the strike started. Some sources are saying a deal may be in the works, even finalized. I'll believe it when I see it.
  
• United Hollywood is doing an innovative live broadcast online today. You can keep up with all of the goings-on straight from the best sources.
  
• These Speechless ads are a great show of solidarity. Three cheers to the A-list actors for sticking by the people who make them appear effortlessly witty, smart, or vile. The series of videos are running on Deadline Hollywood Daily. My favorite one features Jeff Garlin (Curb Your Enthusiasm).
  

That's all she wrote...for now. See you next Monday for the week five update. Let's hope this whole thing is coming to a close by then.

Prison Break Be Damned

Contributing to my addiction with prison documentaries is National Geographic Channel's Locked Up Abroad. It's exactly what is sounds like, but scarier. The show follows people who are in prison away from their home countries. I've watched two episodes so far. Both shows centered around young people, friends usually, who travel to South America and get caught up in drug trafficking.

Locked Up Abroad makes American prisons look like a Holiday Inn Express. The episode chronicling two Englishmen in a Venezuelan jail was eye-opening. First, they were in a jail. Their clothes and shoes were stolen in the first night and they were locked in a room with over 30 people. They survived in the jail for a year and a half before they were moved to a state facility. The prisoners there had knives, guns, and grenades. GRENADES! Within two days of arriving, the two watched a man get shot in the head by another inmate. No one did anything. Later, one of them hits rock bottom and starts playing Russian Roulette. It's looked like a madhouse. You can't make this stuff up.

I'm not normally scared by what's on TV, but Locked Up Abroad has made me afraid of the following things:

• Drugs
• South American prisons
• Guns
• Shanks
• The promise of luxury vacations

It's a very interesting program, especially since the people are out of jail now and telling their own stories with the help of dramatizations and frightening stock footage. Definitely some of the most compelling hours of documentary television I've seen in a long time.