Losing Out On Viewers: Or Why I Hate TV Online

Last night I discovered that I hadn't made quite as large a dent into Lost as I previously thought. I assumed I had about six episodes left but in reality it's closer to 16. With less than a month until the premiere, I decided to watch one online last night.

To my surprise, ABC.com has the entire third season available on their site and with " imited commercial interruption" no less. What a nice gesture right? Too bad I can't make it through 45 seconds of the show without it skipping and getting blurry, or the color going out, or the picture not matching up with the voices. The commercials seem to come in okay (shocking!) but I have to suffer in silence over the poor quality of the episode.

I thought it was an ABC problem, but I tried to watch an episode of 30 Rock online as a test and I had an even harder time. I had a frozen picture of Liz Lemon on my screen for about 6 minutes before I gave up.

It doesn't make sense. I have a pretty new computer and I'm using a fast internet connection. Can't a girl just watch pretty people whine about the elements in peace? Or do they intentionally fuck with me so I give up and get the DVD?

Now they've really lost me.

My BGTVW: Because There Just Aren't Enough Acronyms

I read a newspaper article about a new gay bar opening up in town with the unforunate name, Plan B. I laughed out loud. There are several bar names that don't make homosexuality sound like a lesser orientation or option, but Plan B somehow won that coin toss. After a good chuckle, and a few head shakes. I decided it would be a nice time to have another Big Gay TV Weekend. Here's what's on the docket:

• I recorded Miss America: Reality Check and How to Look Good Naked. The shows are hosted by some of my favorite fellas; Michael Urie and Carson Kressley. I am halfway through Miss America and it is going quite well. Not as funny as Crowned, but oddly enough the girls are more compelling. They have issues, they hunt, they hate pre-marital sex, they have big hair, the list goes on. Who knew?

• In the spirit of my love of prison documentaries, I watched a drama on Logo called Bad Girls about life in Larkhall Womens Prison Facility. I'm not a huge fan of British TV, but this one of the best dramatic imports I've seen in a long time.
  

• I am devoting a few hours tomorrow to my favorite episodes of Six Feet Under which revolve around David & Keith's relationship. They're on-again-off-again status was what kept that show moving for me. Probably because Brenda was so crazy.
  

• Tomorrow is the season premiere of The L Word. Woohoo! If you don't have the iron-like willpower that I possess, you can watch the full episode online right now on OurChart.
  

It's going to be a long weekend, but this is the stuff that winter break is made of. Plus I need to get all of the fun out of my system now before I hunker down for my Lost marathon.

1 Night 2 Parties: Still Kind Of Lame

They're going to be like...the coolest debates ever, like for sure! OMG Guys!

Tonight, ABC is hosting back-to back presidential debates in primetime. If that's not enough of a reason to clear your calendars, guess who the debate is sponsored by? Facebook. Everyone's favorite social networking site is presenting tonight's showdown with the GOP going on at a little after 6 and the Dems at 7:45ish.

ABC had strict rules to get into the debate, mainly that the candidate still had to be a viable contender. Dennis Kucinich didn't make the cut and he is pissed, even going as far as to file a complaint with the FCC. He's probably just mad because he has to go back to making cookies in that hollowed out tree.

No one watches TV on Saturday nights but me and every other single loner on the planet, this debate will probably not change that but ABC is trying its darndest. Next time, instead of showing the debate, may I suggest they show High School Musical. That seemed to work out well.

edubTV Readers Assemble!

edubTV readers: I need all five of you to listen up!

It's 2008 and along with my personal resolutions (watch out Water Aerobics class, I'm making my splash again) and TV resolutions, I am also making a resolution or too for this blog.

You can blame this idea on the blogging book I got for Christmas. Yes, I can hear it too, the nerd alert is sounding loud and clear. But regardless, I want to do the following things:

• Buy the domain (don't buy it out from under me because I'll freak out and cry)
• Find or design a sweet layout (red is awesome, but we all deserve something more pleasing to look at)
• And add a weekly, or bi-weekly podcast

This is where all of you come in. What do want this podcast to be about? It can be show specific: American Idol, Lost, etc. Or genre specific: What's new in reality, My weekly rant on why I hate CSI, etc. Or even more general than that: General updates, writers strike news, etc.

I am just excited to use some of the new technology out there, so the content is just an added bonus. If you could leave a comment, talk to me in person, find me on Facebook or give me a call with any ideas that would be awesome.

But What Will Become of Local On The 8s?

The Weather Channel is up for sale, at an auction no less. According to the New York Times, the network may for $5 Billion and is being looked at by the likes of NBC and Comcast.

How much would I pay for The Weather Channel? A whole lot of nothing. Whenever I put it on, it is a commercial and usually for something awkward like Cialis, AARP or The Scooter Store. If they really want to cater to old people, they'd show things like this:



Attention Weather Channel: I am not 75, I just want to know whether it's cold enough to warrant a long-sleeve tee.

It's no wonder you're going under. Sheesh.

Huck and Leno Are Probably Besties Now

Mike Huckabee is the projected Republican winner in the Iowa caucuses tonight. I would like to think his victory is due to Chuck Norris, his strapping Tudors-inspired haircut (above) and his appearance on Leno last night.

It was the first night back for late-night talk show hosts and while Letterman boasted funny man Robin Williams, Leno came out strong with Huckabee. According to the early ratings, Leno took the numbers last night.

So who helped who more? Did his appearance on Leno help Huck to the top or vice-versa?

And more importantly: I watched CNN's coverage of the caucuses tonight and more impressive than Wolf Blitzer's blinding metallic tie was Anderson Cooper's pie chart board. He held up what looked like a piece of cardboard and a hologram of a pie chart appeared on it. Then, instead of listening to the political commentators, all I could do was watch Anderson fiddle with the board, making the graph smaller and bigger. He was like a kid with a bubble wand. It was mesmerizing.

And kudos to Barack Obama for winning the caucus for the Dems. Way to Barack The Vote Iowa!

Star Treking Into New Territory

I've never watched Star Trek before. I have a hard time suspending belief and the make-up kind of weirds me out. Plus, I am a big enough nerd and I don't really need to solidify my place in the bottom rung of the popularity ladder.

But I took a 6-hour nap this evening and woke-up in the middle of the night. The house was dark and the only thing illuminating the family room was the TV and the bumpy face of some sort of creature. But because I was still out of it and couldn't find the remote, I decided I would give Star Trek Voyager the fair shake it deserved. It's a new me in 2008.

In this episode, Repentance, the people I can only assume are the good guys, are transporting prisoners so they can be executed. Only, and you'll never believe this, some of the good guys think that capital punishment is wrong. Then, one of the bad guys reads of statistics about how a certain race of aliens are filling up the jails. The good guy posits that maybe they commit more crimes. The bad guy says something about the system not being fair.

This is essentially an issue episode about the criminal justice system, racial profiling and capital punishment. It's a lot to get into one episode and frankly, I don't think they pulled it off. The worst part? People are probably watching this show, or even obsessing over this show, and not getting the metaphor. I applaud them for trying, but if you're not going to do any of the issues justice, just keep your mouth shut. Stick to waxing enthusiastic about intergalactic fighting and skin bump maintenance.

Oh, and did I mention that the prisoners were multi-colored and deformed while the non-prisoners had finely ironed uniforms and the whitest skin I'd seen since Powder? I'm calling Al Sharpton.

My Resolutions

Every blog does it and who am I to buck tradition. Here are my New Year's Resolutions where TV is concerned:

• I will try to embrace channels I don't normally watch. In 2007 I found luck with MSNBC and Oxygen. Where else would I have found my prison documentaries and excessive wedding shows?
  
• I resolve to watch more news. I read the newspaper everyday but it can only go so fast. I don't want to be the last to know everything, especially with the election coming up.
  
• I'm done settling for least objectionable programming. If there is nothing on the TV, then I will turn it off.
  

I think that's a pretty good start. Happy New Year everybody!

Things I Forgot Existed: Divas Live

Nothing says vacation like discussing old television specials. On the docket? Divas Live.

Remember this? A bunch of aging biddies singing show tunes and their pop favorites. The first concert was pretty classy but the it only got worse from their.

People that probably shouldn't have been invited to Divas Live:

• Cindy Lauper
• RuPaul
• Shania Twain

Thinking about that just made my day. What's next on the docket? Remember Say What Karaoke? We could be here all night.

New Years Eve Specials: Yikes!

I'm headed out of town tonight and while I'm bringing along my computer, things will get hectic. And by things I mean me, and by hectic I mean drunk.

I have to finish packing but I owe you this much. Nothing to do on New Years? Here is a handy guide from USA Today on where to find your favorite C-List celebrities doing countdown specials.

If it were up to me, we'd all ring in the New Year watching U Party With Fox News. I don't know who's going to have a worse evening; the people tuning in to play interactive news games with Griff Jenkins or Griff Jenkins. Six in one hand, half-dozen in the other.

A Victory Late In The Game

He did it! I'm so happy I could play the Will It Float board game!

David Letterman's production company WorldWide Pants reached an agreement with the WGA and his show will return on January 2 with writers in tow.

This is uplifting news. WorldWide Pants may not be Viacom but any movement on this issue is positive. An agreement is proof that negotiations can work.

Someone tell that to Rupert Murdoch.

Coming Back In The Future

Just got off the phone with my friend Liz. We like to gab about TV and today we spoke about what shows we're looking forward to in 2008. Here's the short list:

• Real World/Road Rules - The Gauntlet: I have my money on Coral. I don't even know if she's playing. She could win from afar. Just like Tanya. I bet she's phoning this one in. I tried to look up online to see what exotic locale the show is in this time but no such luck. They've been to South Africa, Australia, and all over the Caribbean but every set looks identical. They probably film all of them on a sound stage in Hollywood. If they really wanted to give these people a run for their money, they'd shoot in Dubai or Beirut.
  

• Lost - I've decided to commit and watch the back half of season 3 on DVD just so I can catch up with this show. I have a feeling it's going to be really big this time.
  

• The L Word: This is a short clip with the cast and producers talking about season five. To say I am geeked out about the whole thing an understatement. Apparently some changes to this season include more group interaction, Bette and Tina possibly getting back together and more sex. I don't know if I can handle pay-cable and all of this sex. Between Tell Me You Love Me, The Tudors and The L Word I am just getting worn out and they make me look pervy. I am not weird, I just like good TV.
  

• Rob & Big: Say what you will about the guys but I wish I were friends with them. Their show is just as scripted as all of the MTV stuff but it's a lot funnier.
  

• Prison Break: I kind of forgot what's happening but hopefully it will all come back to me. Something about Panama, guards, shanks, tunnels. Same old, same old.